Short jokes
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Yo mama so fat, that’s why people don’t want to marry her, except for fat guys.
When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.
I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣
I was fuming when I lost my job as a window cleaner, like who built the Twin Towers anyway?
The Statue of Liberty is French; she ain't even American. Deport that bitch!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Alex.
Alex who?
Lalicks your balls.
Why are we still fighting in darkness?
"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."
Your forehead is like a line, it just keeps going.
Why are dogs born with balls?
They were having their stick moment when they got given birth, too.
1 "Knock knock."
2 "Who's there?"
1 "Interrupting physicist."
2 "Interrupting who?"
1 "Muon!!!"
What do you call a male robot who wants to be a girl?
A trans-former.
What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?
Their last big hit was "Fire on the Mountain."
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.
And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar, just kidding.
My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
Teachers: Whenever there’s a school shooting, hide under the desk.
Students: Hiding under desk.
Shooter: Well, no one’s in here!
What do you call a cat that walks slowly?
CATerpillar