Mission jokes
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.
I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt, I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was, but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said, “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them?” We then decided to aid him.
Why are we still fighting in darkness?
"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."
Why do they call it abortion? Because they aborted the mission.
What did the bones on the moon tell the astronaut?
The cow never made it.
Russia vs Ukraine be like that COD Modern Warfare mission. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
NASA stands for "Nobody Already Seen Astronauts."
What's the difference between a suicide bomber and your mom?
A suicide bomber doesn't abort their mission like your mom did when she had you.
Imposter: Did you do Sawcon task?
Crewmate: What's Sawcon?
Imposter: Sawcon deez nuts!
My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
LEGO Ninjago - I like it, okay?
Which of the ninja would be best for an undercover mission as the person in disguise?
Kai. He just has to leave his hair down and no one would know it was him. He uses hair gel, as Cole has said a couple times I think, because his hair looks like fire 🔥!
Me sees crazy man hit a old poor person. Me dials 911.
Police: What is that location?
Me: I don't know where is dis location.
Police: Mission failed, we will try again later.
Me: WTH?
Police: Ends call.
Me: Calls hospital.
Hospital: What is that location?
Me: I don't know where is dis location.
Hospital: Mission failed, we will try again later.
Me: WTH IS HAPPENDS EVERY TIME NOW EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE.
Hospital: Hangs up.
Me: Calls fire dEpArTmEnT.
Fire: No fire.
Fire dEpArTmEnT: What is that location?
Me: Hangs up and give up and goes home.
If you faked the moon mission, don't apollo-gize.
What do sperm say while just in?
"We need to go deeper."
What's the difference between WW2 kamikaze planes and 9/11?
One of the missions succeeded.
Why was my mate in "Mission: Impossible?" Because he couldn't find his dad.
For being a big company, NASA is openly saying they want pictures of Uranus.
What's the grossest mission NASA could do?
Probing Uranus.
NASA stands for Need Another Seven Astronauts.