Short jokes
For every blonde in the world,
scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...
My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."
Forrest Gump: Who's your favorite Lord of the Rings character?
Lieutenant Dan: Legaless.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.
Have you seen Dolly Parton's new shoes? Neither has she!
I went down to my fridge to grab my dinner. I said to the children, "Who's next?"
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
What do cows use for math? A cow-culator 😏
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit."
I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!
Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?
Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!
What type of alphabet does an elf learn?
The elf-abet.
What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?
A coward.
What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?
A pickle.
What's the difference between a Ranga and a Brick?
A Brick can get laid.
Roses are red and violets are blue, my best friend is Sue, and she's blue, too.
(meaning sad)
One day I'm walking and I saw Josh B. He's sucking balls and Marco jump[s], and we got [an] earthquake, and I say, "Yamate."
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor: 10 babies in one trash can.
Morbid humor: 1 baby in 10 trash cans.