Short jokes
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
Hello, it is the suicide line. Just keep hanging.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
What do sharks and people have in common? The great ones are white.
What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?
A pillow fight.
What's the difference between Taco Bell and KFC?
KFC doesn't have Border Patrol agents surrounding all of its buildings right now.
What do you call the inside of the ISS toilet?
Cosmic Brownies.
What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked?
“Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”
Who is Bill Cosby’s favorite Disney princess?
Sleeping Beauty.
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
Men play video games to let their inner child out, while women do abortions.
What gun isn’t allowed in Africa? A water gun.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
I suck.
I suck who?
Michael Jackson.
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person?
I'd ask what's up, but it's definitely not you!
Our Human Services Minister is just mad because his wife cheated on him 20 years ago.
With their brother.
What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Fuck.
Fuck who?
Fuck off!
What's the best thing about Switzerland? The flag is a big plus.