Short jokes
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.
Why did the nose cross the road to find the person who "nose"?
I take all my anger out on orphans. Why?
Because they have no parents to run to.
What did the baseball chief say to the Orphan?
GO HOME!
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.
Women have less rights than a NASCAR track.
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.
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There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
You know what pun is used for "waist?"
Nothing. You'll find nothing.
It's just a waste of time.
"I spy with my little eye..."
- Noting I am blind -
What did the bison say to his son leaving for school?
"Bye son!"
Get it? Bye son, Bison!
A twelve-volt battery walks into a tavern and orders a drink. The bartender serves him, and comments, "Now don't start anything."
A man was taking a child into a dark forest.
The child said, "I'm scared!"
The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."
Why do melons always have big weddings?
Because they cantaloupe!
I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?