I have more cum in one testicle than you have in your whole penis.
Short Jokes
If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?
What’s a lesbian’s favorite Pokemon? Squirtle.
Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?
Because the parents are in every episode.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent!
I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.
Wife: "You don't even have friends!"
What do you call an African that is not hungry? Dead.
Why did the pervert cross the road?
'Cause he was stuck to the chicken.
So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."
Me at an orphanage: I need to talk.
Orphan: My parents!
Me: You know that word?
Vape company: Hey, want some lung cancer and a nicotine addiction?
Teens: NO WAY!
Vape company: But it’s mango flavored!
Teens: O OK. 😤
What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.
2001, Angry Birds was so amazing. Over 500 people in 2 birds.
So, little Johnny is walking down the street and asks a stranger, "Sir, what are hormones?"
Then the man replies, "The moans of a fucking whore!"
Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?
"To be and not to be."
What do you call a titan that can't swim?
TITANic
For being a big company, NASA is openly saying they want pictures of Uranus.
Why is the last part of orphanage "age?"
Because it doesn't matter your age.
Teacher: What’s the closest planet?
Kids yell: Sun.
Except for one.
Other kid: Uranus.
Teacher: Uranus?
Other kid: Yeah, it’s right there.
