Short jokes

I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.

I told a disabled kid to get in my van. Well, it’s been two years, and he still hasn’t gotten into the van.

So I gave a disabled kid hot wheels. I mean cars, no I gave him literal hot wheels!

There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

Make like your hairline and scram!

Did you guys know that Chancellor Palpatine is suing Nike?

Apparently, the company stole his slogan: Just "Do It."

What's the difference between an orange?

A hippopotamus riding a four-door motorcycle.

To all my haters, keep sucking. I'm about to cum.

Sometimes when I'm sad, I remember I have a big dick.

Quote of the day:

Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.

[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]

The only thing they can see are their chopsticks.

But when?

Imagine you ask a girl out in braille.

And she leaves you on felt.

Did Mr. Rusher play tennis in the dark?

You will get hit by the tennis ball! Ouch, Mr. Rusher said.

What did the lettuce say to the carrot?

"Lettuce be friends!"

"Yo mama so fat, she thought Saturn was deez nuts."

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

How do you cut your grass without a lawnmower?

You dye it blue and it will cut itself.

Why was the soldier reading the Geneva convention?

To-do list.

Give a man a plane ticket, and he’ll fly for a day.

Push a man from a plane, and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.