My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
You're so ugly that even the World Trade Center got a better transformation than you.
What do you call a Mexican Transformer? Optimus Juan!
I know why Stephen Hawking loves Transformers so much now.
Autobots, "Roll Out!"
RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
My best friend looked at my arms and said, "Stop, sh*t, it's bad," then turns right around and says, "You look like a tiger."
So from here on out I am now Finn, the self-harming tiger.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Once I saw a mirror... and that was when I got the ability to become a ghost.
What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.
Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
Why did the cantaloupe 🍈 jump into the pool?
It wanted to become a watermelon 🍉.
A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.
"I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."
The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."
The End
Died and came back a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.
There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.
God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
I have a lot of respect for trans women.
That surgery takes balls!
Cremation:
My last hope for a smoking hot body.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
At first, I was a boy trapped in a girl's body, then I was born.
