Short jokes

They say they'll stay, but I left first.

Joe Mama so fat when she stepped on the sidewalk, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?

He only took a day off.

Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

There's a one-story house. Everything's yellow, even the kitchen, living room, and bedrooms. What color are the stairs?

Math riddle: If I have 12 bottles of wine in one hand, and 9 in the other, what do I have?

What can you catch, but not throw?

How do you call a very long terrorist?

9/11.

What do people use more than you that is yours?

If you’ve got me, you want to share me; if you share me, you haven’t kept me. What am I?

What does a pumpkin need when it's hurt? A pumpkin patch.

I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?

I was at the bank yesterday.

A lady asked to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

What do you call angry midgets?

Short-tempered.

Oh, Lois, that was more scary than Michael Jackson without pants in front of a kid!

Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.

What's the difference between sex and rape? Some effective drugs.

I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.

I got fired from the bowling ball factory for throwing out the ones that had holes in them.