Button jokes

Why was the orphan's first phone an iPhone X? Because it didn't have a home button.

Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.

When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend, he said, "It's simple, she pushes all the right buttons."

I got an orphan an iPhone 6. I told him to press the home button. He has been doing it all day.

Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?

Her boyfriend was blind too.

The orphanage was open in apps, but I didn’t see the home button.

Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.

What feature does an orphan's phone not have?

A home button.

Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.

Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?

Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.

Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.

Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.

Me: ...

Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?

Because it doesn’t have a home button.

Orphans maybe got phones, but they don't have a home button.

Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"

Me: power button.

I gave an orphan an iPhone X for a reason.

It doesn’t have a home button.

I bought an orphan kid an iPhone.

Guess what? It had no home button.

What is the strongest weapon in India?

The red button (this is a fact).

Why couldn’t the orphan play Xbox? Because there was no home button.

What did the policeman say to his belly button?

You're under a vest.

For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.

Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?

Because they don't know how to use the home button.

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.