Button

Button Jokes

Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that...I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.

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When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend, he said, "It's simple, she pushes all the right buttons."

I got a orphan a Iphone 6 I told him to press the home button he has been doing it all day

Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.

Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?

Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.

Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.

Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.

Me: ...

Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep. There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patient to sleep, so I unplug them.

Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-" me: power button