Short jokes

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.

I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.

My wife is so fat. She buys her clothes at Tent & Awning!

My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!

My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.

My wife is so fat, I took her to the Macy's Day parade. They attached ropes to her.

My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.

My wife is so fat, she gets weighed on the Richter scale.

My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming, she leaves a ring around the lake.

My wife is so fat. After sex, I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!

My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!

@M3GAN fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfucufkcucufkcuckfucufkcufcfufkcufkcuckfucufkf you

Me rn: "Yo yo yo, for pre-K I went to K.I.S.S. a school."

My friend: "What is K.I.S.M.A.?"

Me: "K.I.S.M.A. balls!"

Hi, I'm cool.

Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.

Bro, you look like you got your hair from the Roblox avatar shop.

I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.

You are so ugly, when the devil saw you, he said, "Jesus Christ!"

You are so ugly, when the Joker saw you, he stopped laughing.

You're so skinny, you can barely fit through a door crack.