Short jokes

A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.

What did the lungs say to the cigar?

"You take my breath away..."

Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Slap it on the arse and tell it to keep going!

Can't wait for the orphans to have their family reunion! Wait...

I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"

A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?

The wiener.

I like my coffee like my men, long and black.

I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.

Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.

The person next to me on my flight was shocked when they found out I was Arabian. I lagged so hard my gerber almost fell out of my pocket.

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.

Go commit neck rope.

Yo mamma's so fat, she had to pull down her pants to get to her wallet!

What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.

What does PEMDAS stand for?

Please End My Depression And Suffering.

What do you call a bad amputation?

A rip-off.

What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?

I don't eat the fruit.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Dark, rich, and imported.

I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"