Short jokes
What's the best part about beating up an orphan?
They can't tell their parents.
I love the way the Earth rotates.
It really makes my day!
What do hospitals do when they receive donor organs? They organize them.
What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?
"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."
"What was your first impression on him?"
"I told him, she calls me daddy too."
The point of war is not to die for your country, but to make the fresh recruit on the enemy's side die for his.
Asian without "As" is just sin.
*Loud explosion inside the tank*
"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."
Famous last words:
"Don't worry man, it's not even loaded."
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.
A depressing but satisfying victory.
Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn't all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.
I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the New York Zoo.
If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.
My uncle got sued from NASA the other day. He claimed to be the first one to enter Uranus.
Why did Paul Walker drown?
Because he was too busy carpooling.
What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
Your daddy must be a drug dealer, because you're dope.
You really gay. No questions added.
Q. You know what really bugs me?
A. Insect puns.