Short jokes
Wanna hear a construction joke?
Nah, I'm still working on it.
I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.
Why did the stoner cross the road?
He got so wasted, he thought he was a chicken.
I would tell you a cat pun, but it's too purr-fect to share.
Why is a sweet potato casserole so sweet? Because it's so sweet to eat!
Why did Stephen Hawking die? His ethernet cable fell out.
I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
My life...
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
You're dumb, but that's not what she said.
Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!
Sandy Hook is my favorite holiday.
I am really gay. I just needed to confess this.
Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?
A: Ow!
"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.
What's brown and hurts your teeth?
A chocolate?
No. A baseball bat in my hands.
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets,
just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors!