Short jokes
Me: I look up to you.
Friend: Wow, thanks!
Me: But in general cuz your so tall.
Sans: “pokes brother with ruler”
Papyrus: Sans, what are you doing?
Sans: Measuring your patience.
Papyrus: Grunts
Why take a nap on the toilet?
Because it's a restroom.
Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.
What is a dead kid's favorite anime? Bleach.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
I woke up on the floor this morning. I think I woke up on the wrong side though.
I wish my lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.
My dad asked, "Where are you going?"
Me: "Back to the orphanage."
Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.
Mom: No, honey, I killed him.
I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.
What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?
Posiedown.
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
Do you know why I don't like stairs? They are always up to something. #dadjokes
Have you tried eating a clock?
It's time-consuming!
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
What do you call a fish that can use a katana?
A salmon-rai.
Dear algebra,
I don't want to find your X. I don't know Y she left you.