Short jokes

I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.

If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?

I was really rooting to tell that one.

Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?

He doesn't like commitment.

I was in a terrorist a famous terrorist group. No, not the Taliban. We called ourselves the Talabam.

In America, planes hit the Twin Towers. In Soviet Russia, Twin Towers hit planes.

There was an enemy with a machine gun.

My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."

So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.

This site.

Elephant

What did the orphans do when the bombs drop?

They said, "Allahu Akbar."

Do you wanna hear a joke about vegetables? Never mind, it's too corny.

What does a French woman say when you ask her what her favorite video game is? "Oui, oui!"

What did Paul Revere yell during a full moon?

The British are cumming! The British are cumming!

Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

A: So she can moan with the other.

I don’t like stairs. They are always up to something.

After all the mudslides in the area, the streets became a mudder out there.

Does anyone know Wakanda movie is Black Panther?

The FBI said, "Open up!" I shout to them.

A person said, "Cookie sale." I opened up. He fucked me.

Is it bad to hit an orphan?

It's not like they'll tell their parents.

What do you call a funny cow?

A cowmedian.

What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?

With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.