Short jokes
My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.
What do orphans and garbage have in common?
They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.
What is the difference between a broom and a mop?
It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.
What is the worst part about making an Asian girl squirt?
She charges you for extra sauce!
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we look through.
Why do Republican men hate transgender people?
Because they lost a dick-measuring contest to a ladyboy in Thailand!
I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.
Why can’t you take a Black Asian guy golfing? Because he can’t drive and can’t find his own balls.
A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?
Her boner.
What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?
You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
They already lost two towers.
I got a part in a movie called "Cocaine." I only have one line.
I saw two guys wearing matching clothing, and I asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.
What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?
Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
What's the difference between women and men?
Men have rights.
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
Na, don't be mean to fat people. Oh wait, never mind, they can handle the weight.