The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast,
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
“The difference between Asians and Caucasians is the cau-”.
Hillary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected into office.
Sorry, it was supposed to say "Female," but the "emale" got deleted.
Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.
Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.
How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?
What's the similarity between a pepperoni pizza and Freddy Krueger?
They both have red circles on their bodies.
Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.
I hung something else instead.
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
Assalam alaikum, bitches.
I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
