Sex jokes
The best night of my life was when I gave my virginity to my wife, and her last word was when she called me "Mommy" at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up 😍.
NASA stands for... National Adult S3x Association.
They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.
What's the difference between three cocks and a joke?
Your mom can't take a joke.
penis.
I like penis.
What do the Twin Towers and my Mom have in common? They both went down on my dad.
What does Amy Rose like? Blue balls.
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
My I.
May I who?
May I put this pussy on your mouth?
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.
Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
Q: Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?
A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie to me!"
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
What do you call snowmen having sex?
A snowjob.
What does a condom and a coffin have in common?
They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.
Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.
GF: Laying down.
BF: GROANING
GF: Are you good at aiming and shooting?
BF: Yeah, why?
GF: Shoot that did in there.
BF: Mmmhuugh
What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?
I pull out of the driveway.
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
Why can't orphans convert to Catholicism?
Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.
What's the difference between 5 cocks and a joke? I can't take a joke.