Sex jokes

My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!

Why do orphans become hookers?

They can call someone daddy.

What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?

Transparent.

Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.

My sister's boyfriend is pissed cuz I fucked his girl.

Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."

Why do they call my dick section 8?

Because all the hoes are on it.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

What's the difference between sex and mental illness?

Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.

Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.

What do you do when your cat's not home?

Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.

If 2 + 2 is 4, and 4 + 4 is 8, then that must mean I can lick your pussy.

They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

What do you call a rooster lollipop?

A cock sucker!

What’s the best part about fucking an emo chick?... she's limited edition.

Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.

So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...

...their new slogan?

The Quicker Pecker Upper.

A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."

Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."