Sex Jokes

why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off? they can't stand to see a man have a good time

But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend. So she invites him to a romantic dinner. After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it. But her boyfriend was clueless about such acts. So she tell him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 positions. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same. But the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly the girl had an urge to fart, but hold it in because her asshole was right near his bf face. Suddenly she loses control, and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says

"Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."

My ex boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.

Pussys and tits have one thing in common they both made for kids but men end up licking them or suckling them

So one day i have a wife but if its getting a longer day she is moving so weird and i see she has sex with rick astley😂 [rickrolled]

The man told the women “Roses are red violets are blue you suck cock and you enjoy it too.” Then she said that true.

So two people are on a date and the guy says “wow you are so beautiful” then the girl says “you just want to have sex” then the guy adds “SMART TO!”

When i was 11 My mom came home from the bar super drunk that night and I just wanted to know if they knew where was the cat because I heard a noise.................we had a loooooooong talk the next morning.

What the difference between a set slave and a goat?

I don't have a sex slave in my basement...

My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.

why did my mouth say no to buut.because that will be to much sex.

What do queer guys call Hemroids? Speed bumps!

What’s Blue and comes in Brownies? Cub scouts.

When u go to ur girlfriends house but accidentally go into her dads room and fuck him anyway

If a gay white male with blond hair is a prostitute you will get $175.00 back for a blowjob if you give him $20.00 If you give a can of sauerkraut to a gay white male that is a prostitute with blonde hair and who is also polish you will get the money back that he paid for the can of sauerkraut if you wanted him to give you a blowjob and if you wanted a blowjob from a gay white male that is a prostitute that is a canadian and polish with blond hair you will get the money back he paid for the bottle of maple syrup at the grocery store if you wanted him to give you a blowjob but if you wanted to fuck him up the ass he will give you the money back that he paid for the can of crisco and he will also give you the money back that he paid for the box of condoms and he will give you the change back that he paid for the box of tampons that he paid for his baby sister or you could get a free anonymous blowjob at a adult book store

I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?

What is the most sensitive part of a mans anatomy while he's masturbating? -- His ears.

A kid came from school. His mother said "What did you do in school?" The boy replied "I had sex with my my Teacher" She said "OH MY GOD, GO TO YOUR ROOM, WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD COMES!" He waited, then his dad walked in and said "Your mother told me what you did. I'm proud of you son. Let's go buy you a bicycle." When they arrived to the store The dad said " Try out and see which seat is the comfortable." The boy said "I can't, my butt is sore" Dad said "Why is your butt sore" The Boy said "Because I had sex with my teacher".