Sex jokes
My mom came to me and shouted, "Nobody is giving me a fuck." So I went forward and fucked her!
My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.
I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.
I had sex with my boss's daughter.
I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.
What’s the best part about fucking suicide girls?
The pussies are limited edition.
What did the dick say to the condom?
Cover me, I'm going in. 😚😏
Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama? You never turn your back to your family.
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?
I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.
Why do orphans become hookers?
They can call someone daddy.
What did the condom say when he came out of a gay guy's asshole?
He said, "Fuck this shit!"
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
My sister's boyfriend is pissed cuz I fucked his girl.
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
What do you call lesbian sex during their period?
A blood transfusion.
Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.
What is the difference between hungry and horny?
The cucumber goes to different places.