Sex jokes
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
Why do orphans love blowjobs?
Because they actually get kissed!
A chef named his chicken Richard and named a rooster Ballz. A guy walks up and asks the chef what he's cooking. He replies, "My dick and balls."
Yo daddy so stupid, he went to the HO-tel to see some hoes.
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
Don’t think, just do, live in the now, don’t care about the future, yeeeeee
What's the hardest part about sex with a Thai girl?
Her, probably.
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees.
A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,
"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"
She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.
And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"
I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?
Blonde 1: Omg! Yesterday, I fucked a Brazilian!
Blonde 2: OMG YOU SLUT
Also Blonde 2: Wait, how much is a Brazilian?
A baby and his father are sitting in a street cafe. A woman bends over to pick up her keys just as a gust of wind blows up the woman's dress. "va va voom," the baby says. The dad chuckles and says, "Yes. I'd like to have sex with her too."
She'd suck my dick and let me suck her tits.
How do you have sex? You take off your clothes and shove your dick in the girl's pussy. If girl suck his dick.
Imagine everyone being hoes.
What is long and hard and full of seamen?
A submarine.
Scissoring is nice when I grind my wee wee on my wife’s clit.
Humping that little guy is like riding a wet butt plug.
Why did two dumb blondes put condoms on the cow's udders because they wanted the cow to practice safe sex?
Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?
That's what happened to my dog.
What comes after 69?
Mouthwash.
Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!