Sex jokes
What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?
I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.
Why do orphans become hookers?
They can call someone daddy.
What did the condom say when he came out of a gay guy's asshole?
He said, "Fuck this shit!"
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
My sister's boyfriend is pissed cuz I fucked his girl.
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
What do you call lesbian sex during their period?
A blood transfusion.
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
If 2 + 2 is 4, and 4 + 4 is 8, then that must mean I can lick your pussy.
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."
What is the difference between hungry and horny?
The cucumber goes to different places.
What was Hitler’s favorite sex position?
Sixty nein.
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
What do you call a rooster lollipop?
A cock sucker!