Sex jokes

Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."

Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.

Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.

What do you do when your cat's not home?

Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.

If 2 + 2 is 4, and 4 + 4 is 8, then that must mean I can lick your pussy.

They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

What do you call a rooster lollipop?

A cock sucker!

Why do they call my dick section 8?

Because all the hoes are on it.

What’s the best part about fucking an emo chick?... she's limited edition.

Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.

So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...

...their new slogan?

The Quicker Pecker Upper.

A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."

Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.

What do you call lesbian sex during their period?

A blood transfusion.

What was Hitler’s favorite sex position?

Sixty nein.

Why did Snow White get kicked out of Disneyland?

She sat on Pinocchio's face and said: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"

Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.

Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."