Sex jokes

What was Hitler’s favorite sex position?

Sixty nein.

Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.

Why did Snow White get kicked out of Disneyland?

She sat on Pinocchio's face and said: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"

Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."

What's the best thing about a blowjob?

- The silence.

My mom came to me and shouted, "Nobody is giving me a fuck." So I went forward and fucked her!

My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.

One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”

Adam and Eve had sex. It was paradise.

Why did the heterosexual woman try to put a mask 😷 on her pussy? She wanted to protect herself from covid, but she did try to put a mask 😷 on her dildo, but the mask 😷 keep falling off the dildo.

If her age is on the clock, she gets the cock.

A couple is on their first date.

Man: How do you feel about sex?

Woman: I like it infrequently.

Man: I see. Is that one word or two?

Bro, tampons look like sperms, and they go up your coochie.

REALLY CRAPPY JOKE ALERT!!! Oh Quin, how was eating that tight butt? Must be nasty. I heard you met from rear ending him.

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:

"I’m here for the new position?"

I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.

What's the best thing about fucking twenty-one year olds?

That there's twenty of them hoo hoo hee hooo harr haar dee harr harr

There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.

Dr. Brody: Sir, your son has a disease called boofa.

Dad: What's boofa?

Dr. Brody: Both of these nuts in your mouth.