Sex jokes

What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute only has one crack, and has to wash it and sell it again.

What does a Chinese man say to his partner when having sex?

"Ching Chong Soc Mai Ding Dong"

Jack and Jill went up the hill so they could fuck in the water. But Jack forgot to use protection and now they have a daughter.

What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?

Depends on who's sucking.

After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?

My penis.

My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.

A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.

Why can’t orphans have sex?

They have no one to call "daddy."

When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?

Why does a penis taste like octopus 🐙?

Stupid question 😒 🙄 even the catholic church ⛪ 🙏 knows that one.

If you’re gonna have a gangbang, make it extreme!

What's the difference between me and an egg?

An egg gets laid.

Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?

Roses are red, violets are fine, you'll be the 6 and I'll be the 9.

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.

Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.

What is the definition of fellatio?

Auto masturbation.

If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?

Where do babies get baptized?

So the priest can wash their sex toys.

Why did the dick go insane?

Someone kept messing with his head.

What did God say when he made the first woman?

"Where is your dick at?"