Sex jokes

So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.

A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.

The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."

Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."

So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"

The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"

The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"

How do you know your Dad's been fucking your sister?

His dick tastes funny...

Fancy playing rodeo sex?

"OK then," she said!

Then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as your sister’s ass and hold on for dear life... real life cow bow boy shit!

How do men like their women? Striped.

How does a priest like their children? Clean.

Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.

What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.

Roses are red, Lemons are sour; Lift your skirt up and give me an hour.

I've been told I've got a perfect cock.

She sure was hard on me when I took it from her, though.

Roses are red, your penis is blue, the bed sheet has turned a different color, too.

What does a Chinese man say to his partner when having sex?

"Ching Chong Soc Mai Ding Dong"

What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute only has one crack, and has to wash it and sell it again.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so they could fuck in the water. But Jack forgot to use protection and now they have a daughter.

After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?

My penis.

What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?

Depends on who's sucking.

Why can’t orphans have sex?

They have no one to call "daddy."

When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?

Why does a penis taste like octopus 🐙?

Stupid question 😒 🙄 even the catholic church ⛪ 🙏 knows that one.

If you’re gonna have a gangbang, make it extreme!

I was at a bar. The girl said, "Sex, sex, free sex tonight," when she really said, "663629."

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I wanted my first time to be special.

Roses are red, violets are fine, you'll be the 6 and I'll be the 9.