Sex jokes
To all my haters, keep sucking. I'm about to cum.
F*** man, I just need a f***ing loli to walk all over me!
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.
What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.
Memes
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"What are you shaking for? She’s going to eat me!"
6 looks like someone facing up.
9 looks like someone facing down.
69 looks like 2 people sucking each other's dicks.
James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.
Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
In 69, the 6 looks like someone facing up. The 9 looks like someone facing down.
69 looks like 2 people suck each other’s dick. That means, L7.
FUCK ME DADDY!!!!
They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.
I was at a bar. The girl said, "Sex, sex, free sex tonight," when she really said, "663629."
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
Why did the dick go insane?
Someone kept messing with his head.
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.
What’s the difference between weed and pussy?
If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.
What did the Pokémon say after having sex?
"My ball was sore!"