Sex jokes
Hey, are you suicide? Because I want to do you!
Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.
Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
What was Hitler’s favorite sex position?
Sixty nein.
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
Are you Jesus? Because I want to nail you.
Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
A: He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉
What do you call your Indian best friend who is the ABSOLUTE BEST at cunnilingus? A Curry Muncher.
A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.
Guy: I don't, I see your mom.
Why can't orphans have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy".
Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.
Woah, nice cock.
Incest.
When "slow down and apply more lube bro" REALLY means slow down and apply more lube bro.
I love necrophilia, but only if it's consensual!
What do you call a guy who has sex on the Moon?
An “Astronut”!
What is long and hard and full of seamen?
A submarine.
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.