Sex jokes

Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama? You never turn your back to your family.

What do you call a spaceman’s willy?

A Shuttlecock!

I had sex with my boss's daughter.

I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.

What’s the best part about fucking suicide girls?

The pussies are limited edition.

Why did the heterosexual woman try to put a mask 😷 on her pussy? She wanted to protect herself from covid, but she did try to put a mask 😷 on her dildo, but the mask 😷 keep falling off the dildo.

What's the best thing about fucking twenty-one year olds?

That there's twenty of them hoo hoo hee hooo harr haar dee harr harr

What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?

I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.

"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.

(Later)

"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"

Why do orphans become hookers?

They can call someone daddy.

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."

Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.

One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”

My sister's boyfriend is pissed cuz I fucked his girl.

I love necrophilia, but only if it's consensual!

Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.

What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?

Transparent.

Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.

They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

Why do they call my dick section 8?

Because all the hoes are on it.