Sex jokes
Suc my dic
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"
Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"
Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."
Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".
He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"
Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Suck its cock.
Why do pedophiles always lose a race?
Because they come in a little behind.
What does the penis say to the condom? "Cover me I'm going inside."
when you get back from summer break and your teacher is pregnant
My man is a pussy cunt that sucks my dick.
Joke's on him, he just asked me for bobs and vegana.
My penis is too big for my dad to suck it, so my mum sucks it instead.
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.
If a gay white male with blond hair is a prostitute, you will get $175.00 back for a blowjob if you give him $20.00. If you give a can of sauerkraut to a gay white male that is a prostitute with blonde hair and who is also Polish, you will get the money back that he paid for the can of sauerkraut if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. And if you wanted a blowjob from a gay white male that is a prostitute that is Canadian and Polish with blond hair, you will get the money back he paid for the bottle of maple syrup at the grocery store if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. But if you wanted to fuck him up the ass, he will give you the money back that he paid for the can of Crisco and he will also give you the money back that he paid for the box of condoms and he will give you the change back that he paid for the box of tampons that he paid for his baby sister or you could get a free anonymous blowjob at an adult book store.
Why won't an atheist convert to the religion of Islam? Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be a Muslim according to the Arabic religion of Islam.
🤔 ❓ How do lesbians 😳 practice safe 🙏 sex they put condoms on dildos and then they put dildos inside of their 👄 👄 👄 mouths and then they perform fellatio on them
Tyler only has a kid because they don't make condoms the size of Lego Men.
I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.
What's that useless skin around the vagina and the boobies?
The women.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating, and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob. And nah, if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
I sucked a dick.
Why did my [redacted] a girl because she said, "Uh."
What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.