Sex jokes
My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.
Why is sex with pandas so much fun?
I don't know, it just is. 🐼
What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I’ll be honest... She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna.
I don’t like to play games, actually. There is one game: It’s Barbie. Of course, I’ll be Ken, and you’ll be the box cum in.
What's a prostitute's favorite snack?
Skittles. They love to taste the rainbow.
My dick is like the way home for an orphan, its length is never-ending.
Dad: Uh, yeah!
Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!
Parents: Sex!
Son: What?
Parents: Look, you can spectate!
Two sticks only make a fire.
My best friend said, "Can you put your dick in me?" I said, "Can I cum in you?"
Penis.
My man is a pussy cunt that sucks my dick.
Joke's on him, he just asked me for bobs and vegana.
What are four ways a condom is like a Republican elephant?
1. It stands for inflation.
2. It limits production.
3. It encourages cooperation.
4. It gives you a feeling of security even though you know you're being screwed.
I dicked your mom down so good, bitch!
What is the difference between a pornstar and a mosquito?
No one stops sucking.
Say yes if you wanna fuck.
F*ck my ass.
I was going home and 3 guys came up to me: an Italian, a Black guy, and a Spanish guy. They said, "You should be a proud brother, your sister knows her meats." I didn't know what they were talking about. They said, "Your sister won a trophy, you will see it when you get home." I went home. My sister said, "Look, I won a trophy by knowing my meats." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, 3 guys blindfolded me and I gave them a blowjob, each one of them, and I guessed which flavor it was. I was right all the time, that's how I won my trophy." As a big brother, I couldn't be any prouder.
Really bad penis joke.
What do you call a wet condom?
A wet condom.
Anal sex is for A**holes.