Season jokes
Why do bees stay in the hive during winter?
... S'warm!
What did the north tower say to the south tower during the summer? Get ready for fall!
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.
While I was waiting for your mum to waddle past, I missed a whole season of my TV show!
When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.
What does a pumpkin need when it's hurt? A pumpkin patch.
Yo mama so fat, when she passed by the TV, I missed a whole season of SpongeBob.
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral? While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to cook?
Lil' Seasoning.
Quote of the day:
Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.
[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]
How come Christmas is one time? Because it is so nice!
The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
What fell first, the emo kid or the leaf? The leaf, 'cause the emo kid just hung.
Fall coming 🍁 grab you a hoodie & sum1's thick thigh baby mama to keep you warm 😌🍂
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
Where did Sally go during the summer? Swimming.
What is your summer name? Hot.
On a winter day many play.
Some with snow, and I with ice Used as a device to slice Somehow I'm colder now.
It’s almost take her to Spirit Halloween, and then rail her in a spooky mask season.
Why is there a big old gay parade on one of the first days of summer?
Pride always cometh before the fall.