Winter jokes
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves........ just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
Why can't you get water in the North Pole?
Because there is no well.
A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for winter, so now I am dead!" Haha, it is funny because the squirrel gets dead.
Why are Santa's balls so big?
Because he comes once a year.
A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "Now were not even allowed to do that."
Are you winter? Because you will be coming soon.
How do you find a rapper in a snowstorm?
Look for the one with the "ICE-COLD RHYMES."
What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.
What do you call ten lesbians in a room together? Fingerhut.
What do you call two lesbians in a closet together? A liquor cabinet.
What do you call a room full of 50 lesbians and fifty congressmen? 100 people who don't do dick.
Why don't women wear miniskirts in the winter? 'Cause they would get chapped lips.
What do a cliff jumper and a gay man have in common? If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
Why do bees stay in the hive during winter?
... S'warm!
What school did we say it was today? What did the snow say? "I love!"
Telling jokes is snow problem.
Snowmen and snowwomen take a stomach piece, making snowballs.
On a winter day many play.
Some with snow, and I with ice Used as a device to slice Somehow I'm colder now.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite.
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite.
Q: Why did the emo kid get jealous on Xmas?
A: He saw the ornaments hanging.
What car do elves drive?
Toy-yodas.