Say jokes

I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.

A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel hanging down his pants.

A guy walks by and says, "Pardon me sir, but you've got a wheel hanging down your pants." The pirate responds, "I know. It's driving me nuts!"

I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.

What did the female rapist say at her hearing?

"Well that boy's dick was inside me and you know what you metoo people say, 'my body my choice.'"

What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"

A lady runs into a police station and yells, "Help, help! I've been graped!"

A police officer says, "Do you mean raped?"

The girl then replies, "No, there was a bunch of 'em!"

My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."

What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?

I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!

Muslim religion is just pregnant women saying "Allahu Akbar" and exploding a bus.

What did Gandalf say to Mario? "You shall not pass!"

What did Osama say after knocking over the Twin Towers?

He he he haw.

A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"

What did the beach say as the tide came in?

Long time, no sea.

What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?

"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"

Say my name if you like "Breaking Bad."

I asked a Chinese girl her number, she said "Sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight." I said, "Wow!"

Her friend corrected her by saying, "She means: 666-3629."

Sonic says if you're bored, go punch an orphan. I mean, what are they going to do, tell their parents?

What did the Hiroshima survivor say about the day Little Boy dropped? "It was a blast!"

Aaron and Ben meet on Grindr. They have a drink and have sex. They wake up in the morning in bed. Aaron says, "I'm so glad I got it out." Ben replies, "What? Oh, just the HIV."