Say jokes
What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."
A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"
A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"
A sandwich walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
Is there a really annoying girl at your school and she's so fake? Well, say this:
Me: Hey, I have a nickname for you.
Her: Really? What?
Me: Sweet-in-low.
Her: Why?
Me: Because you're artificial.
Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?
They'll say "yea."
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
What did the slaves say when they met their soon-to-be masters?
"Aaah, a ghost!"
"Confucius say, man who has mosquito on balls truly understands nonviolence."
What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"
If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"
"Water exists."
Airport security: "What the fuck did you just say?"
What do you say to an emo's wrist?...
"I like ur cut G."
What did the blanket say when he fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
What did Grant say? "I'm gay."
What does the door say to the doorbell?
The door said: "You dingus!"
Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.
The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"
Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."
The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"
Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."
Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"
A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."
Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."
Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!
What did one emo say to another emo... "Rock it out!"