Somebody asked me whats that on your arm I just said "My cats got ocd"
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."
When you send her a dick pic but then she sends you one right back...
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!” A man in the back responds, “YOU AINT GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
Teacher: "You can't be here after school without a parent!"
Orphan: -no response-
I conducted a survey. I asked 100 woman what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said how the fuck did you get in here? 😂😂😂
A friend asked me, "Where are you going?"
I answered, "6 feet underground."
So I was going out the door and I see me dwarf neighbour at the bus stop, I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with fu.. off. So I zip up my backpack and keep going to work
So a daughter asks her father "dad what is you opinion on abortions?" So her father says why don't you ask your sister. The daughter responds "but I don't have a sister... Oh"
You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?
Next time you get a call from them just answer the phone and say "Pizza Hut abortion clinic where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"
A DEPRESSED GUY WALKS INTO A BAR AND SAYS "CAN I GET SHOT".THE BARTENDER THEN SAYS "YOU MEAN CAN YOU GET A SHOT RIGHT?THE BARTENDER THEN SAYS "WELL..........WHAT DRINK WOULD YOU LIKE?THE DEPRESSED THEN RESPONDS WITH A "NO I REALLY WANT TO GET SHOT.
Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line he comes across a woman who Isn't saluting. Why are you not saluting like the others? Hitler barks. "Mein Führer, Im the nurse," she responds "Im not crazy!
My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange" I said: "No it doesn't"
I saw my friend hang themselves my response was i guess they wanted to hang with someone
"Have you taken a bath?"
"No. Why, did one go missing?"
"You look like you've lost some weight."
"Really? Well, whatever weight I lost, you found it, pal!"
Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: *hangs up*
This homeless lady called me ugly so I told her “ok then imma just go on home”
what do you say to an upset down syndrome person... “what’s bringing you down?”
I told a joke and some1 said "no one asked" then i said "no one would care to even ask"
