Say jokes
Luisa: The ship doesn't swerve, as it heard how big the iceberg is.
Captain of the Titanic: Wait, what did you say?
3 minutes later:
Why didn't I listen to the strong one?
If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."
How it be when the new guy takes too long...
Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.
Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.
Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.
Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.
Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.
Sonic says: "Gotta go fast!"
The Hulk SMASH!
Orphan says: "Gotta go home!"
You say to your slow friend: "Damn, you're slower than Stephen Hawking!" And that takes some talent.
Memes
When someone says: "You're a mistake."
Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."
If you call the number 800-273-8500 in Afghanistan, they say, "Can you fly a plane?"
You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."
I bet when 2 cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one says, "You're such a cheetah!" Then they laugh and go and eat a zebra or whatever.
What do Emos say when they trick-or-treat?
"Boo-hoo!"
What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?
They cry...
They scream... with joy.
"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."
Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...
What did one candle say to the other?
"Want to go out tonight?"
Say all the planets: Mars, Saturn, Uranus.
What did the math acorn say when it grew up?
"Gee-I'm-a-tree."
You know that you f**k better than dad?
I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)
What did the pelican say when he finished shopping?
"Put it in my bill."
What do you say to your customer at a popsicle stand when he asks for the price?
Dollar a pop!
Get it?
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid sitting on his lap?
"Just beat it."
They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Well, apparently, no one has ever been standing next to you.
What did the tiger say to the bunny?
Nice to meat you!