Said jokes

I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.

Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.

How did the emo kid compliment the other emo kid? He said, "I like your cuts G."

According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”

Someone said to me when it was winter it[’]s time for you to “chill out.” I was like 👁👄👁

Whoever said that about me better pray!

Bianca: Mr. Doeken, even though I completed my test, you still said it was "late." Why is that?

Mr. Dowon: Bianca, for the LAST TIME, MY LAST NAME IS DOWON!

Bianca (🤨): Are you sure?

Mr. Dowon (😒): What do you need, Bianca?

Bianca: It's Bianca!

Mr. Dowon: Are you sure?

My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.

Once my friend saw my wrist, slapped it and said "I like ya cuts, G!"

I just did a test to see who my soulmate is, and it said "best friend." So I guess I am gay. I think so, WTF.

On this website, I just searched up "My jokes". In response, it said, "No jokes found." Wth.

A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."

The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)

I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!

Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries."

Why does a robot malfunction when they get sad?

Because they have a break down.

The patient said, "When will this be over?"

The doctor said, "After you die."

The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"

The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."

The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.

What did the boy say to his brother at chemistry class?

"Hey BrO!"