Said jokes

What did the pickle do on the road?

It said, "I'm Pickle Rick!"

Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."

Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.

I asked my mom what her biggest regret was for a project at school, and she said, "Oh, go look in the bathroom above the sink..." There was a mirror.

Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.

My dad said he'd get the milk, but he forgot I was in his car.

I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen." So, I did what I had to do and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!

I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.

Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.

According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"

The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!

What does the door say to the doorbell?

The door said: "You dingus!"

A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"

I was in math class when my teacher gave us homework, and she said to me, "You're gonna get an F this time." So I went back home, and f**k my teacher.

What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”

I was wearing a George Floyd t-shirt, and a person said to me: "That must be a bit tight round the neck."

Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries."

A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."

The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)

Once my friend saw my wrist, slapped it and said "I like ya cuts, G!"