Said jokes

Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.

So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.

Did you hear the passengers on the Titanic invited Yo Momma and the Titanic crew said, "Man overboard!"

Yo mama's so stupid, when I said, "Drinks on the house," she got a ladder.

My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”

My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.

Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.

I said to the fish, "I have dam."

Erin like TJ, but his tapeline said no.

"What's the capital of Texas?" said the brown hair.

"T," said the blonde.

Good that you got detention because you said that to me; you should've gone to jail.

There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

I saw a little girl crying, and I said, "Where are your parents?" That day, I got fired from the orphanage. 🤪

This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, "What are you doing?"

I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

My friend asks me what does "idk" mean. I said, "I dion't know." My friend says, "You mean I don't know." I said, "That's what I said!"

Two blondes fell down a hole.

One said, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

"Never going to give you up." That's not what the orphan's parents said.

A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."

When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"