The 1,000+ Best Said Jokes

It's said Duracell batteries are to last 75 yrs, well Stephen here you are

And the lord said unto john come forth and you will receive eternal life, but john came fifth and won a toaster

What was one phrase Michael Jackson said to a boy in his bed? Baby be mine.

A homeless kid walked up to another kid and said i have what you dont he said (parents)and the kid said your right i do have parents and walked away

I went up to the depressed kid and said, I like ya cuts G

a horse walks in a bar. the bartender said why the long face

The bible said, Adam and Eve.....So I did both.

play dead they said wasn't to hard I've been dead inside for years

your mum said ,who did it ,ya nan!

Kate ate food coloring last night she said she was dying inside

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

What was the last thing Stephen Hawking said before he died? Windown Shut Down

I said i was going to my flat i really meant ya girl

my friend asks me what does idk mean i said i dion't knowm my friend says you mean i don't know i said thats what i said

My mother said to be positive, but she said that when i was going to do an AIDS test

Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

I told her "I love you". She said I love me too.

I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket. I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."