Said jokes

I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.

When they said sin was ugly to look at, I didn't know God would use you as an example.

I got mad at my white friend today. I, as a darker person, had told them to meet me outside at 3 o'clock. They, being VERY special that day, had said, "AM or PM?"

Laughing at their question, I said, "Honey, 3 AM, because I'll lose a fight at 3 PM."

Kurt Cobain said he wished he was gay.

That's why he married Courtney Love.

President Chumples memorialised Charlie Kirk by saying, "He had a real shot at being president."

That's not a joke. The fat fuck actually said that after pan face got shot.

My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.

Why did the orphan girl cry during sex?

Because her boyfriend said "Who's your daddy?"

BAJAHAHAHHAA

What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?

"Alpaca my bags."

Yo mama so fat that when she went to the fatty competition, they said no because they didn't want professionals.

(Just a joke, she's probably kind.)

I asked a European what do you call Karens in your country? He said, "American women."

An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.

The creator's son tried that!

(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)

"Officer, don’t arrest me, she said she was 5 in dog years!"

My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.

When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.

My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.

He can tell the future.

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."