Said jokes

I told my friend to look at the clock, then I said, "Is this a bad time?"

So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."

What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?

"Alpaca my bags."

The north and south towers got into an argument.

The south tower said, "We will talk about this when we are on the ground."

Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.

The creator's son tried that!

(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)

I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"

I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

I asked a European what do you call Karens in your country? He said, "American women."

Yo mama so fat that when she went to the fatty competition, they said no because they didn't want professionals.

(Just a joke, she's probably kind.)

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

"Officer, don’t arrest me, she said she was 5 in dog years!"

My gf/bf said: "I'm dating your uncle!" You cry and you look under your bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

"Please send me a sibling!"

Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.