Said jokes

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?

The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.

An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.

I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”

The youngest of the Twin Towers said, "Goodbye, brotha." But the one who got hit, which is the oldest, said, "If I go down, you go with me!"

Once I took a test on waving signal flags.

They said I passed with flying colors.

A blind man handed me a piece of paper. It said, "⠊⠋ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠉⠁⠝ ⠞⠗⠁⠝⠎⠇⠁⠞⠑ ⠞⠓⠊⠎ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠁⠗⠑ ⠛⠁⠽."

I have no idea how he knew.

A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

This ain't a joke, but the Twin Towers said their favorite number is 911.

I dressed up as Darth Vader at an orphanage and said, "I am your father!"

Your momma so fat when she stepped on one scale, it broke. When she got another one, it said "TBC." She looked in the mirror, it broke.

I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.

I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."

What is it called when you talk in Panera Bread?

Panera said.

You're so ugly when a pig saw you, he said, "Yes, my brother is back."

Your mom is so fat that when she went to the dentist, the man said, "One at a time."

What did the Mexican say when a house landed on him?

Esé said, “Get off me, homes!”

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.

Why does a robot malfunction when they get sad?

Because they have a break down.

My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.

The patient said, "When will this be over?"

The doctor said, "After you die."

The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"

The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."

The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"

One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.

Five years later, he came back and left again.