Said jokes

One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.

Five years later, he came back and left again.

A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.

The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"

Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."

The north and south towers got into an argument.

The south tower said, "We will talk about this when we are on the ground."

I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"

There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So I took away his towers, and he took away my queen.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

How does the cop respond to being called racist?

He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."

Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.

The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: "I killed your horse!"

The second quickly left, and when he returned he said: "We have poisoned all your cows!"

I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.

I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.

"I got that dawg in me," said the Asian men after lunch.

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?

I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.

A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"

I walked up to some Arabs and said "Alawakba," then here came the second tower.