Said jokes

The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: "I killed your horse!"

The second quickly left, and when he returned he said: "We have poisoned all your cows!"

I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.

I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.

"I got that dawg in me," said the Asian men after lunch.

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?

I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.

A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"

I walked up to some Arabs and said "Alawakba," then here came the second tower.

What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?

"Alpaca my bags."

"Officer, don’t arrest me, she said she was 5 in dog years!"

An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

I asked my sister to say something.

She said, "No."

That's what I like to hear.

My friend said that gay people existed 10 years ago.

He can tell the future.

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

"Please send me a sibling!"

Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"

Yo mama so fat that when she went to the fatty competition, they said no because they didn't want professionals.

(Just a joke, she's probably kind.)

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

I asked a European what do you call Karens in your country? He said, "American women."