Said jokes
I just did a test to see who my soulmate is, and it said "best friend." So I guess I am gay. I think so, WTF.
Whoever said that about me better pray!
Bianca: Mr. Doeken, even though I completed my test, you still said it was "late." Why is that?
Mr. Dowon: Bianca, for the LAST TIME, MY LAST NAME IS DOWON!
Bianca (🤨): Are you sure?
Mr. Dowon (😒): What do you need, Bianca?
Bianca: It's Bianca!
Mr. Dowon: Are you sure?
My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.
They were both druids.
Someone said to me when it was winter it[’]s time for you to “chill out.” I was like 👁👄👁
On this website, I just searched up "My jokes". In response, it said, "No jokes found." Wth.
One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.
Five years later, he came back and left again.
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
Wanna hear a joke?
Yeah.
...
What's the joke?
I said it already!
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."
If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.
Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."
A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.
The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"
The north and south towers got into an argument.
The south tower said, "We will talk about this when we are on the ground."
I said I’m losing my mind. My friend said, “You didn’t have much to begin with.”
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
How does the cop respond to being called racist?
He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."
"I got that dawg in me," said the Asian men after lunch.
Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.
Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."
Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."
Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.