Safety jokes
A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"
School shooting: Happens.
Foreign Exchange Student: Starts sobbing under desk.
American Student: "First time?"
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope.
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.
What is one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in the school zone.
Why were there so many victims in the Grenfell flat fire disaster in London?
All the exit signs were in English.
Best not leave hungry kids unattended!
How to fall down the stairs:
Step 1, 2, 3, 6, 10, floor.
How do you get a depressed kid out of a tree? You cut the rope.
Why is it bad to climb a tree?
You might fall on an orphan! 🫥
When the quiet kid tells you not to go to school the next day, but your mom makes you go anyway.
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad influence on children?
Because he only looks one way when crossing the road.
Where do pedophiles go hunting?
Elementary schools.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.
What's black and yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of orphans.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!