Safety jokes
What do you call people who jumped in the dam?
A dam fool.
Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.
Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"
Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."
Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."
*Operator hears a distant gunshot*
Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"
What’s one good thing about a pedophile?
They drive slow in school zones.
I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?
Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.
Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.
Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
I'm in school shooting. #USA
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and then you remember there are no speed bumps.
My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.
How do you get a depressed girl to suck your dick?
Pour bleach on it.
"Zre, um, be careful when using a gun, okay? And meh not fat, boy."
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
If there's ever a shooting at school, pull out an Uno reverse card.
A kid and a man are walking into a forest at night.
Kid: "Mr., it's getting dark. I'm scared!"
Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance on the cliff, so I pushed her over because I lost my balance!
Do you know why pedos get away with molesting orphans? Who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.
Why did two red heads fall off the plane? Because they were so damn blind.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!