Religion jokes
When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"
What if death is hell because there is no bridge to heaven?
Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?
Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."
Therapist: That's not so bad.
Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."
If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?
Lucifer is caged by Jesus, cuz he got tired of being alone on a pedestal.
No Jews?
Your hairline looks like the stairway to hell.
Bent and far back.
The phrase “Muslim women live in one of the hottest countries in the world and they can’t even expose their legs” has two meanings.
No one.
Why are priests called father?
I don’t know why.
Because calling them daddy is too suspicious.
Have you seen my uncle?
Jesus: I have.
God: Me too.
Q: Why doesn’t Jimmy Swaggart worry about his premature ejaculation problem?
A: He believes in the second cumming.
So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.
A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"
And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"
Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?
'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.
When did Jesus die?
On Luan Day hahahahahahahahahahahahaha LOUD HOUSE wink wink.
The Demon when it gets summoned to earth only to find out it was a spelling mistake in Latin class. 😬
Your forehead is big. God said dude that's bigger than me and I'm infinitely big!
Me in the middle of the night boiling water.
Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?
My brother: How?
Me: You boil the hell out of it.
Why did the orphan finally go to church? So they could call someone "father."
I want to die to see the other side, but if I die I won't know anybody on the other side.
Mom said drugs are my enemies. God said love your enemies. What do I tell her?