Religion jokes
Why does former president Donald J. Trump still want the Mexican government to help him to build a wall to keep them out because he is a Christian nationalist on steroids?
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
God said, “Let there be light,” so it beamed off your forehead, and so I turned into Stevie Wonder and called it night.
God, aka Mr. Universe said he was God's gift to this earth, but where is he?
Why did God give women legs?
1. To look at.
2. To wrap around your neck when you’re eating her out.
A reincarnated and heavily modified T-Rex is something that's been on my drawing board for years
POV: Orphans rule the world.
God said, "I'm your dad," then kills himself.
The orphan: Waaaaaa!
What do Middle Eastern suicide bombers say before they blow up?
I weel sho u wot da bom bom is! ALLAH!
What do orphans go to church for?
So they can call someone "father."
So I went to a church and I asked a friend, "Is the picture on the wall Jesus, and does it have three nails or one nail?" Oh wait, that's not Jesus, he is not doing the T pose that he invited.
"Cheesus" hates me, yeah, I know, 'cause he's a real douchelord fictional character.
How did Mary get pregnant with baby Jesus?
God fucked her.
For his sake, I hope that heaven is wheelchair accessible...
Why does Jesus hate Skittles?
Because they fall through his hands.
A Jew and a Jew walk into a bar. The goy says, "What do you want?" The first Jew says, "Give it alcohol." The second Jew says, "My son ran away and became Christian." Another Jew pipes in, he says, "My son too!" The bartender turns around and says, "You're not going to believe this..."
Why don't lesbians like dick? Because they don't want their mouths looking like Jesus Christ's hands.
At night in the Nunnery, one Nun says to the other Nun, "Where's the candle?" The other Nun says, "Doesn't it!"
The Pope drives around in a glass box, or as I like to call him, a sniper's dream.
Yo mama is so ugly that Satan started going to church!
Hanuman is a monkey.
You are family.