Religion jokes
Why does Jesus hate Skittles?
Because they fall through his hands.
How did Mary get pregnant with baby Jesus?
God fucked her.
For his sake, I hope that heaven is wheelchair accessible...
Why don't lesbians like dick? Because they don't want their mouths looking like Jesus Christ's hands.
At night in the Nunnery, one Nun says to the other Nun, "Where's the candle?" The other Nun says, "Doesn't it!"
Memes
A reincarnated and heavily modified T-Rex is something that's been on my drawing board for years
Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?
Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."
Therapist: That's not so bad.
Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."
If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?
Lucifer is caged by Jesus, cuz he got tired of being alone on a pedestal.
What if death is hell because there is no bridge to heaven?
The Demon when it gets summoned to earth only to find out it was a spelling mistake in Latin class. 😬
Yo mama is so ugly that Satan started going to church!
The Pope drives around in a glass box, or as I like to call him, a sniper's dream.
Hanuman is a monkey.
Your hairline looks like the stairway to hell.
Bent and far back.
The phrase “Muslim women live in one of the hottest countries in the world and they can’t even expose their legs” has two meanings.
Have you seen my uncle?
Jesus: I have.
God: Me too.
Q: Why doesn’t Jimmy Swaggart worry about his premature ejaculation problem?
A: He believes in the second cumming.
So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.
No one.
Why are priests called father?
I don’t know why.
Because calling them daddy is too suspicious.
A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"
And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"