Religion jokes
How do you boil holy water?... You boil the hell out of it!
Jesus Christ does exist, he does, and he is the son of God... a God that doesn't exist XD
Jesus got rejected. A few years later, he died. He came back just to lose his virginity because even Jesus is not a fucking cunt.
Why does former president Donald J. Trump still want the Mexican government to help him to build a wall to keep them out because he is a Christian nationalist on steroids?
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
How did Mary get pregnant with baby Jesus?
God fucked her.
A Jew and a Jew walk into a bar. The goy says, "What do you want?" The first Jew says, "Give it alcohol." The second Jew says, "My son ran away and became Christian." Another Jew pipes in, he says, "My son too!" The bartender turns around and says, "You're not going to believe this..."
For his sake, I hope that heaven is wheelchair accessible...
POV: Orphans rule the world.
God said, "I'm your dad," then kills himself.
The orphan: Waaaaaa!
God said, “Let there be light,” so it beamed off your forehead, and so I turned into Stevie Wonder and called it night.
God, aka Mr. Universe said he was God's gift to this earth, but where is he?
What do Middle Eastern suicide bombers say before they blow up?
I weel sho u wot da bom bom is! ALLAH!
So I went to a church and I asked a friend, "Is the picture on the wall Jesus, and does it have three nails or one nail?" Oh wait, that's not Jesus, he is not doing the T pose that he invited.
What do orphans go to church for?
So they can call someone "father."
"Cheesus" hates me, yeah, I know, 'cause he's a real douchelord fictional character.
Why did God give women legs?
1. To look at.
2. To wrap around your neck when you’re eating her out.
Why does Jesus hate Skittles?
Because they fall through his hands.
Why don't lesbians like dick? Because they don't want their mouths looking like Jesus Christ's hands.
At night in the Nunnery, one Nun says to the other Nun, "Where's the candle?" The other Nun says, "Doesn't it!"
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!