Religion jokes

Hanuman is a monkey.

No one.

Why are priests called father?

I don’t know why.

Because calling them daddy is too suspicious.

Q: Why doesn’t Jimmy Swaggart worry about his premature ejaculation problem?

A: He believes in the second cumming.

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

Have you seen my uncle?

Jesus: I have.

God: Me too.

Me in the middle of the night boiling water.

Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?

My brother: How?

Me: You boil the hell out of it.

Your forehead is big. God said dude that's bigger than me and I'm infinitely big!

Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?

'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.

When did Jesus die?

On Luan Day hahahahahahahahahahahahaha LOUD HOUSE wink wink.

Mom said drugs are my enemies. God said love your enemies. What do I tell her?

Prince, are you really gay, because I love you with all my heart and pray for you all the time!

PLEASE CHOOSE ME INSTEAD! :(

I want to die to see the other side, but if I die I won't know anybody on the other side.

You are family.

When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"

Does anyone know where I can get that picture that went around the internet of Steven Hawking looking at the stairway to Heaven and saying “Oh Fu-k”?

What did the airplane say to the tower? Allahu Akbar!

What do you call someone who is half a Jew?

Jew-ish.

Do you love God?

What is another word for Arab man who is a Palestinian Muslim?

Palestinian masseur.