Religion jokes
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
The Virgin Mobile.
Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?
Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."
Therapist: That's not so bad.
Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."
What if death is hell because there is no bridge to heaven?
If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?
Lucifer is caged by Jesus, cuz he got tired of being alone on a pedestal.
The Demon when it gets summoned to earth only to find out it was a spelling mistake in Latin class. 😬
So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.
No one.
Why are priests called father?
I don’t know why.
Because calling them daddy is too suspicious.
Have you seen my uncle?
Jesus: I have.
God: Me too.
A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"
And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"
Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?
'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.
When did Jesus die?
On Luan Day hahahahahahahahahahahahaha LOUD HOUSE wink wink.
Your forehead is big. God said dude that's bigger than me and I'm infinitely big!
Me in the middle of the night boiling water.
Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?
My brother: How?
Me: You boil the hell out of it.
Why did the orphan finally go to church? So they could call someone "father."
I want to die to see the other side, but if I die I won't know anybody on the other side.
Prince, are you really gay, because I love you with all my heart and pray for you all the time!
PLEASE CHOOSE ME INSTEAD! :(
Mom said drugs are my enemies. God said love your enemies. What do I tell her?
You are family.
When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"