Religion jokes

A Jew and a Jew walk into a bar. The goy says, "What do you want?" The first Jew says, "Give it alcohol." The second Jew says, "My son ran away and became Christian." Another Jew pipes in, he says, "My son too!" The bartender turns around and says, "You're not going to believe this..."

What did God say to the black person?

"Oops, I burned one."😳

Not racist, just funny.

What did the orphans do when the bombs drop?

They said, "Allahu Akbar."

Why did God give women legs?

1. To look at.

2. To wrap around your neck when you’re eating her out.

What's the difference between God and Ron DeSantis?

God does not think he is Ron DeSantis.

What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?

"We need to circumcise that one."

Confucius say, "Man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew."

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?

It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.

Which company likes Jesus the most?

IHS Markit!

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”

A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.

He orders a drink.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

Your grandmother died because she fell on the highest floor of the hotel. Your grandfather died because he got shot while saving your mother. If he didn't save your mother, you wouldn't be here.

You grew up in a world full of viruses. You wanted the virus to be gone. There's only one way, but you have to know it. I can't tell it for you.

Your mother got Covid-19. You prayed and prayed all night, hoping that she would be okay. The next day, the doctors went to your house without your mother. You asked, "Where is my mother?!" The doctors said, "Your mother is gone, so we came here to tell you." The doctors left. Another hour, you were thinking while crying, "Why was my prayer not working? Lord, why'd you let me down?"

You searched on Google "How to bring back the dead." The Google workers declined it. Your father left you because he loved another girl. Your brothers are still with you, but what if they get the virus? Who will be with you?

Don't forget Jesus is still there for you. Don't give up, keep going, and you will succeed soon. You will find your own family and beat the coronavirus.

Conversation between a little baby and a lady👇

👱LADY: Hi. 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What is your name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: How old are you? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What is your mom's name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: What about your dad? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: Can you spell your name? 💂LIT.BABY: (No reply) 👱LADY: Can you spell GOD? 💂LIT.BABY: (spelling) G.O.D

If a little baby can spell GOD, what about you? Just spend some minutes and type "GOD" if [you] know [that you] will sleep and wake up tomorrow by GOD's grace, ignore if you are living by power. MINE: GOD 😃

I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.

What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?

Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.

Do you need an ark?

Because I Noah guy!

What is Jesus's favorite exercise? Cross fit.

Why can't Jesus judge gay people?

He got nailed right before he died.

Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.

I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.