Religion jokes
When Ariana Grande walked into the church, she said, "GOD IS A WOMAN!"
What's the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The face you make when you nail them.
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?
A colonoscopy.
Me: Mom, if Adam and Eve are white, then how were slaves made?
Mom: Well, Eve and the monkey fucked each other.
Me: Oh, okay.
Goes to school.
Teacher: How were humans made?
Me: Eve fucked the monkeys.
Teacher: 😑
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Why did the pope drink horse piss? Because a priest asked him what would he do for a Klondike bar? 🤪 😜
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
What did the cop say to the muslim breaking the law?
"That's against th-Allah (read like da-law)."
Islamist guys and American Christian right-wing guys are both similar in that both abhor the existence of gay people, but only the Christian Right loves to eat sausages, especially the little ones, if you know what I mean...
What is the difference between a priest and a zit?
The zit waits until you're twelve to come on your face.
What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.
Why won't an American atheist convert to the religion of Islam in the city of Dearborn, Michigan?
Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be able to join a mosque in the city of Dearborn, Michigan.
Why was there a box in a church? Because there was a funeral.
Jesus will be history when I realize he's behind me.
Friend: Did Jesus die a virgin?
Me: Of course not, he got nailed before he died.
What do gay guys and priests have in common?
They are both gay in their own ways.
Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?
He wanted to be able to finger A minor.
In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?
They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.
The Virgin Mary wasn't a virgin; she was a prostitute. God raped her.
Like this if you laughed.
These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back. (Clearly someone didn't come back with the milk)
Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
Hope you had fun reading this! My friend and I laughed reading all of em!