Religion jokes
"Cheesus" hates me, yeah, I know, 'cause he's a real douchelord fictional character.
What do Middle Eastern suicide bombers say before they blow up?
I weel sho u wot da bom bom is! ALLAH!
God, aka Mr. Universe said he was God's gift to this earth, but where is he?
Why does Jesus hate Skittles?
Because they fall through his hands.
For his sake, I hope that heaven is wheelchair accessible...
How did Mary get pregnant with baby Jesus?
God fucked her.
At night in the Nunnery, one Nun says to the other Nun, "Where's the candle?" The other Nun says, "Doesn't it!"
When God make white people he said, "FUCK I'M OUT OF PAINT!"
When God said, "Let there be light," he got blinded because you reflected it off your forehead.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
The Virgin Mobile.
Your mama is so old, she made a book bigger than the Bible about her life.
Yo mama is so ugly that Satan started going to church!
The Pope drives around in a glass box, or as I like to call him, a sniper's dream.
Hanuman is a monkey.
Q: Why doesn’t Jimmy Swaggart worry about his premature ejaculation problem?
A: He believes in the second cumming.
So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.
No one.
Why are priests called father?
I don’t know why.
Because calling them daddy is too suspicious.
Have you seen my uncle?
Jesus: I have.
God: Me too.
A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"
And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"
Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?
'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.