Religion jokes
What's God's favorite Michael Jackson song? The Earth Song. 😍😍😍
What does a priest and a male homosexual have in common?
They both like to suck a big cock inside the men's locker room at the gym.
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work, not aware that her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "That's my dad outside." Man: "How much did you say the baseball was again?" Boy: "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball glove." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad." Man: "How much did you say the glove was again?" Boy: "$750." Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!" The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "$1,000." The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Do not start that shit again!"
Why is "T" well-respected, but more in its lowercase form?
It crossed the line with Jesus.
A man was almost about to drown. A boat said, "Do you need help?" And he said no.
After the boat left, another boat came to the sea, and they asked if he needed help, and he said no.
And he asked God, "Why didn't you help me?"
God said, "I sent you two big boats, you dummy!"
What do you call an unemployed Rastafarian?
Jah Bless.
Why did Jesus not win any Stanley Cups? Because he was cut from the team because he kept being pinned to the boards.
I would curse at you, but my country praises cows.
Me: (Jaiden) Why are you crying? Do you know where your parents are?
Orphan: *Sobs* "No."
God, I love working at an orphanage!
It says in the Bible to only think about what’s pure and lovely... So I’ve been thinking about you all day long.
Why did Zayn Malik get his girlfriend to convert to Islam? So she can declare GiGIHADid.
How do you make holy water?
You take it to church ⛪️
What is white, blue eyed, blonde haired and somehow was made in Galilee during the Roman occupation?
An Italian Renaissance painting that was carbon dated.
What do you get when you cross a Muslim in a trench coat and a duffel bag?
A sad news story.
Stephen Hawking only went to hell because he couldn't get up the stairway to heaven.
God said, "Let there be light," and it was lit!
If you believe in Allah, you will go straight to heaven, Mashallah! 😍
"F***, Jesus ate his stinky ass."
How bad is explosive diarrhea when a Muslim has it? Because my Chipotle blew up yesterday.
What’s the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne waits till you’re 13 to come on your face.