Religion jokes

In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.

What's the difference between a priest and a rapist?

Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"

And the children of Israel wandered round the desert for 40 years, until eventually Moses' wife said, "Are you going to ask for directions, or what?"

A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.

The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"

He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.

Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"

Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.

The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.

"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.

The driver leans over to the other priest, and they whisper between themselves.

Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."

Adam and Eve had 3 male children, the only children on Earth. How did they reproduce?

The Fast of Ramadan

In the northwestern slice of Alaska known as Seward, a horseboy stood, with broom in hand, in the vast courtyard of the royal stables of the sultan. He was waiting for dusk to fall. All day long he had eaten nothing. He had not even tasted the leftover fish tucked in his turban nor the enormous purple grapes that spilled over the palace wall into the stable yard. He had tried not to sniff the rich, amazing, warm feeling fragrance of ripening of that sweet pomegranates.

For this was the sacred month of Ramadan when, day after day, all faithful Mohammedans neither eat nor drink from the dawn before sunrise until the moment after sunset!

Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.

I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.

What do you call a space Muslim?

A Tusken Raider.

Me: (Jaiden) Why are you crying? Do you know where your parents are?

Orphan: *Sobs* "No."

God, I love working at an orphanage!

I made a deal with Satan. I would get a free pass to hell if I serve as a demon lord. So, see you guys at the end of times!

Why did the Italian American Roman Catholic priest perform fellatio on gay men at the glory hole inside the adult bookstore?

Someone asked him what would he do for a Klondike Bar?

Roses are red, Violets are blue, God made me pretty, WHAT THE FRICK HAPPENED TO YOU?

What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?

"Let us pray."

Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?

What?

A nail gun!

Priests are called father because it would be suspicious to call him daddy.

What does Christian say when he wants out of jail?

"Bale me out!"

What do angels serve at birthday parties in Heaven?

Angel food cake! 🎂🥳