Religion jokes
What’s the difference between Jesus and a plank of wood?
A plank of wood can take nails to the extremities without screaming.
What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
A goat drank my Red Bull, so now it's a Baphomet!
Why did the cow steal an AK-47?
He was a mooslim.
Nothing is funny about the Name who died an agonizing death, was mocked, spit on, and humiliated all because we were sinners and God saved us so we could be free from the punishment of sin.
Jesus is sinless and perfect and loving. How dare you!
The priest wanted the little boy to touch his cross. The boy said, "It's hard." Then it shot out holy water, and the priest said, "Come again and taste the second cumming of Jesus, lmao."
How do you boil holy water?... You boil the hell out of it!
Jesus Christ does exist, he does, and he is the son of God... a God that doesn't exist XD
Jesus got rejected. A few years later, he died. He came back just to lose his virginity because even Jesus is not a fucking cunt.
Why does former president Donald J. Trump still want the Mexican government to help him to build a wall to keep them out because he is a Christian nationalist on steroids?
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
What do Middle Eastern suicide bombers say before they blow up?
I weel sho u wot da bom bom is! ALLAH!
How did Mary get pregnant with baby Jesus?
God fucked her.
God, aka Mr. Universe said he was God's gift to this earth, but where is he?
So I went to a church and I asked a friend, "Is the picture on the wall Jesus, and does it have three nails or one nail?" Oh wait, that's not Jesus, he is not doing the T pose that he invited.
What do orphans go to church for?
So they can call someone "father."
"Cheesus" hates me, yeah, I know, 'cause he's a real douchelord fictional character.
God said, “Let there be light,” so it beamed off your forehead, and so I turned into Stevie Wonder and called it night.
POV: Orphans rule the world.
God said, "I'm your dad," then kills himself.
The orphan: Waaaaaa!
Why did God give women legs?
1. To look at.
2. To wrap around your neck when you’re eating her out.