Religion jokes
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?
"Make me one with everything."
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
Why won't an atheist convert to the religion of Islam? Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be a Muslim according to the Arabic religion of Islam.
Devil: Hey angel.
Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?
Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?
Angel: What?
Devil: Angelpinos!
It's important to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
I have a confession. I used to be a Christian.
Don’t bother me none, babe!
Awesome! I much prefer being a Christine!
“Hol up”
How can you tell the difference between a Christian priest and a zit?
One waits until you're twelve to come on your face.
What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?
Depends on who's sucking.
What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby?
I don't worship Jesus.
"And the Lord said unto John, 'Come forth and receive eternal life,' but John came fifth and got a toaster."
If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
Why does an orphan go to church?
So it has someone to call father.
A little riddle...
Trump has it short, Kennedy has it long, the Pope has it but he doesn't use it, what is it?
...
Obviously the Surname, what are you thinking about you pervert?
I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
Why did the orphan go to church?
It was because he was looking for someone to call "Father."
A Catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession, and while he is inside the confessional booth, the Catholic priest is sucking his dick, and he says to the Catholic priest, "What are you doing, Father?"
And the priest says, "It's called giving a blowjob."
And the Catholic gay male says, "Why are you giving me a blowjob, Father, inside the confessional booth?"
And the Catholic priest says, "If there was no glory hole in the confessional booth, my son, it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place."
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11... Allahu Akbar!
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.