Religion jokes

When did Jesus die?

On Luan Day hahahahahahahahahahahahaha LOUD HOUSE wink wink.

Me in the middle of the night boiling water.

Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?

My brother: How?

Me: You boil the hell out of it.

The phrase “Muslim women live in one of the hottest countries in the world and they can’t even expose their legs” has two meanings.

Your hairline looks like the stairway to hell.

Bent and far back.

The Demon when it gets summoned to earth only to find out it was a spelling mistake in Latin class. 😬

Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?

Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."

Therapist: That's not so bad.

Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."

If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?

Lucifer is caged by Jesus, cuz he got tired of being alone on a pedestal.

What if death is hell because there is no bridge to heaven?

Your forehead is big. God said dude that's bigger than me and I'm infinitely big!

Why did the orphan finally go to church? So they could call someone "father."

You are family.

When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"

I want to die to see the other side, but if I die I won't know anybody on the other side.

Mom said drugs are my enemies. God said love your enemies. What do I tell her?

Prince, are you really gay, because I love you with all my heart and pray for you all the time!

PLEASE CHOOSE ME INSTEAD! :(

Does anyone know where I can get that picture that went around the internet of Steven Hawking looking at the stairway to Heaven and saying “Oh Fu-k”?

What did the airplane say to the tower? Allahu Akbar!

"When God sends me to hell... I want him to hesitate." -Techno

I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.