Religion jokes

A German priest went to America for a few months. Unfortunately for him, he did not speak the best English. He stayed with a beautiful, young single woman who worked at a nearby orphanage.

Every day, he visited her in the orphanage, and he always brought her small gifts, and of course to the young children.

The young woman thought the priest was flirting with him, and she knew he was not married. She left that thought in the back of her mind for a few weeks.

A few weeks later, she finally brought up her nerve to ask him. She asked him why he always visited her, and why all the gifts for her and the children.

Of course, due to his bad English, he struggled a bit with his sentence, but he said in his thick German accent, "Vell, I visit you and your, your littles, because the kind girls here are very beautiful and cute."

She was quite amused, and blushed a bit. The man was also a bit nervous, and appeared to want to leave her office.

The Priest then excused himself, and went to read the orphans a bedtime story.

He then muttered to himself, "Ach, she's catching on to me! Stupid! Zey are called little girls and boys, not child boys and girls."

Why does God hate me?

Because I'm a gay minority who fights for women's rights.

Jesus is great because Jesus is good. Amen.

What's the difference between a priest and a zit?

A: One waits until you're twelve to cum on your face.

What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

Acne doesn't cum on a kid's face 'til they're 13 or 14.

Ever wonder why pride month is so hot?

It's just a free trial of what's to come for the celebrators...

What's God's favorite Michael Jackson song? The Earth Song. 😍😍😍

God said, "Let there be light," and it was lit!

What do you get when you cross a Muslim in a trench coat and a duffel bag?

A sad news story.

Why did Zayn Malik get his girlfriend to convert to Islam? So she can declare GiGIHADid.

What is white, blue eyed, blonde haired and somehow was made in Galilee during the Roman occupation?

An Italian Renaissance painting that was carbon dated.

It says in the Bible to only think about what’s pure and lovely... So I’ve been thinking about you all day long.

Why did Jesus not win any Stanley Cups? Because he was cut from the team because he kept being pinned to the boards.

I would curse at you, but my country praises cows.

Me: (Jaiden) Why are you crying? Do you know where your parents are?

Orphan: *Sobs* "No."

God, I love working at an orphanage!

Yo mama so black, when God saw her, he said, "Let there be light!" but twice.

Why is "T" well-respected, but more in its lowercase form?

It crossed the line with Jesus.

What do you call an unemployed Rastafarian?

Jah Bless.

A man was almost about to drown. A boat said, "Do you need help?" And he said no.

After the boat left, another boat came to the sea, and they asked if he needed help, and he said no.

And he asked God, "Why didn't you help me?"

God said, "I sent you two big boats, you dummy!"

If you believe in Allah, you will go straight to heaven, Mashallah! 😍