Religion Jokes

POV: Orphans rule the world.

God said, "I'm your dad," then kills himself.

The orphan: Waaaaaa!

"Cheesus" hates me, yeah, I know, 'cause he's a real douchelord fictional character.

Why does Jesus hate Skittles?

Because they fall through his hands.

Why did God give women legs?

1. To look at.

2. To wrap around your neck when you’re eating her out.

What do you call a priest who became a singer?

Michael Jackson.

A white paper with black text and a simple black drawing of a figure with a long nose. The text reads: "It's MY home, God gave me the right to make it a tomb for federal agents or thieves."

What do Middle Eastern suicide bombers say before they blow up?

I weel sho u wot da bom bom is! ALLAH!

So I went to a church and I asked a friend, "Is the picture on the wall Jesus, and does it have three nails or one nail?" Oh wait, that's not Jesus, he is not doing the T pose that he invited.

What do orphans go to church for?

So they can call someone "father."

At night in the Nunnery, one Nun says to the other Nun, "Where's the candle?" The other Nun says, "Doesn't it!"

Friday's opening is open. Religion: "Dark model?" Hopi, Kahan, Virra, Sayla, Salafa, Sales, Power, Sleep. Google is “that cave”.

Have you seen my uncle?

Jesus: I have.

God: Me too.

When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"

When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"

When God said, "Let there be light," he got blinded because you reflected it off your forehead.

I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.