Religion jokes
What is the difference between whores and nuns?
Nuns usually discover their own chosen vocation. Whores usually have their vocation chosen by pimps.
Priests are priests.
Should I burn heaven?
At night in the Nunnery, one Nun says to the other Nun, "Where's the candle?" The other Nun says, "Doesn't it!"
What do you get when you throw holy water on a cow?
A holy cow!
Did Mary Have a Little Lamb?
Why do I call my priest daddy?
Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.
God said, "Let there be light," and it was lit!
In 2011, Stephen Hawking said there is no God. In 2018, God said there is no Steve Hawking.
ISIS is the mark of the beast.
Why did the priest go to the clothing sale at Walmart?
He heard that little boy's pants were half off.
What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
Women have so much evil in their blood that God has to drain it once a month. Hehehehehe
The priest had a very holy shirt.
The orphans all died!!!
Oh wait, no one cares...
Their parents are all dead anyway. We are just making them happier. They get to join their parents in hell.
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
I'm still wondering who took Jesus' sandals.
Even the one who ate that dove that sat at Jesus' shoulder. 🤔
Q: What do you call two nuns watching television?
A: Not very interesting.
What’s a nun's weapon of choice?
Nun-chucks.
What did the angel say when it went to heaven? Well, halo there!