How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?
A unicycle can only take one person at a time.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.
Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?
Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?
My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.
I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
Why was the Orphan boy gay?
So he can call someone Daddy.
Are you a playground? Because I want to put my kids in you.
Why can’t orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.
When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."
Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.
My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 10 fingers, the middle ones are for you.
I think people should date orphans, because their parents are never home.
Why do sisters hate you?
Because you're their favorite stepbrother :P
