Relationship jokes
Girl: I like girls.
Dad: Ok?
Girl 2: I like girls too.
Dad: Okay, so who likes boys?!
Boy: I do.
Knock knock.
You: Who's there?
Urmom.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
💪 💪 🏋️♂️ What do you get when you cross a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a bukkake slut, and a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a sex worker?
Cum Junkie.
What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?
"Does this come with anything?"
What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.
Me: MOM, I'm tired.
Mom: Take a nap.
Me: No, I can't sleep if Dad isn't here.
Mom: *hangs picture of dad on her room wall* Well, now you can.
Cashew, see, I'm nuts about you!?
So um uh I like people who like people who like people.
My family is like Donkey Kong: a real pain in the ass.
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A selfie.
A man has been dating a girl forever. He finally says, "I love you." The girl says, "Aww, thanks." The man looks at her, "Are you not gonna say it back?" The girl says, "No, I can’t."
What does a blind man and your dick have in common?
They both can’t get up without a dog.
Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.
He shouts “you stupid cunt!”
The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”
Dodi replies...:
“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”
Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?
My sister was hitting on my boyfriend. I'm 11, she's 9. She said, "Go f-ck yourself," so I said, "Okay, thanks for the idea!"
Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?
Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.
Son: I hate you!
Your mom disrespected your dad when he saw your face.
What is so annoying? A younger sister.
How do you know when you're disliked?
When they always give you the camera for group photos.