Relationship jokes

Roses are red. Watches are gold. Get on your knees and do what you're told.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

What's the difference between sex and mental illness?

Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.

Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?

He doesn't like commitment.

My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.

I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.

Why don’t cheetahs get married?

They always cheat on each other.

Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

What is the difference between a lesbian and a female prostitute?

If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.

Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.

When an orphan takes a pic, is it known as a family picture? 📸

Why can't an orphan get married? It doesn't have its parents' blessing.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

Why did the hooker fall in love? Stockholm syndrome.

My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.