Relationship jokes
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
Roses are red. Watches are gold. Get on your knees and do what you're told.
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
Memes
who wouldnt?
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
I think my family is racist.
I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.
Why don’t cheetahs get married?
They always cheat on each other.
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
What is the difference between a lesbian and a female prostitute?
If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
When an orphan takes a pic, is it known as a family picture? 📸