Relationship jokes
My girlfriend called me a pedophile.
And I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old!"
Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?
That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common?
Once they're gone, they never come back.
What do you call an orphan selfie?
A family photo.
Why doesn't the orphan date the girl?
Because she is a home-y.
wtf is my fyp
The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.
What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt?
You are so butty-ful!
Boy: Wanna hear about my dick? Never mind, it's too short.
Girl: Wanna hear about my pussy? Fuck no, you won't get it.
Kid: Which were me, are your parents?
Orphan: What are parents?
My buddy and I both wanted to marry a woman who happened to be an amputee.
Sadly, my buddy won her heart, but I got her leg.
Man, I don’t need Viagra when I see Mara!
Why did Miss Stephen get divorced? She didn't float, too.
You're adopted, do you want to know why? Because you're so ugly.
I love your mom and dad's joke! They made it together and called it your name.
I like my women like I like my scotch:
12 years old and mixed with coke.
I just read an article that Texas is number one in the nation for both depression and infidelity in relationships.
It's a sad state of affairs.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
Q: Why did the chip run away?
A: His saucy friend tried to jizz on him.
Me: "You wanna see my dad?"
Some kid: "Yeah?"
Me: "Close your eyes and he will appear."
Some kid: "He ain't appearing."
Me: "Sorry I thought he would appear for you. He won't appear for me."
*The kid laughs*
Moral: Not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on. 🙃