Relationship jokes
My girlfriend is like treasure to me.
You need a shovel to find her.
My sister's boyfriend is pissed cuz I fucked his girl.
Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
My dream:
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
Roses are red. Watches are gold. Get on your knees and do what you're told.
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.
Why don’t cheetahs get married?
They always cheat on each other.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
What is the difference between a lesbian and a female prostitute?
If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.