Relationship jokes
My sister Wani is a dwarf, so I sit on her as a chair.
What did the cell say when it was dividing?
"It's not you, it's me."
Little off topic but...
Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.
Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.
Mum: Fair point.
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.
I ear ass your dad's ass and he likes it.
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.
The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."
If you were a fruit, you’d be a ‘fine-apple.’
Why couldn't Sally get back up? Because she has no friends.
My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.
Kid #1: You're adopted.
Kid #2: At least they wanted me.
Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?
Why are life and a penis alike?
Women make both of them hard.
My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.
I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.
I pregnoot.
"Prince, be honest, do you still love me?"
Yo mama is so fat your dad could never get away.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they got nobody to call "daddy."
It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.
You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?
When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...
...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)
You’re like a fine wine. The more of you I drink in, the better I feel.