My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
Relationship Jokes
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
Why don’t cheetahs get married?
They always cheat on each other.
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.
My girlfriend called me pedophile today.
Big word for a 12-year-old.
Life is like a penis, women make it hard.
My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.
Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
I was walking this hot girl home, then she noticed me, then the walk turned into a run.
Rock, paper, lesbians.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed.
Lauren: Fine, but it's early.
*Karen wakes up and exits room*
*Lauren hears noise*
Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.
Lauren: *laughs*
Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad's c**k tastes like s**t!
Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
