Relationship jokes
My sister's boyfriend is pissed cuz I fucked his girl.
Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
Why can't orphans have babies?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.
My dream:
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."
Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
Why did the hooker fall in love? Stockholm syndrome.
I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.
What is Alabama’s family tree? A circle.
I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.
Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?
A: “Holes gonna be big.”
Night chat. #love you forever maybe until I die! 🌸
Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.