My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared, “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
What did the dick say to the condom?
Cover me, I'm going in. 😚😏
Someone: "I WANNA BE THE SUN OF YOUR LIFE!"
Me: Then stay at 1,000,000 km of me.
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
Never break a girl's/boy's/someone's heart. They only have one of them.
Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Sister: You're adopted.
Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(
I got jealous when my phone dies.
What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?
You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.
Ex: baby i miss u.
Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.
Ex: who died?!
Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.
When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.
My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.
We had sex afterwards even though she lost.
So Kenny finally found his one true love.
But he can't be with her because it's illegal to marry your sister.
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
