Relationship jokes
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
Why can't orphans have babies?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.
Memes
Why did the hooker fall in love? Stockholm syndrome.
What is Alabama’s family tree? A circle.
I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."
Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
Night chat. #love you forever maybe until I die! 🌸
What do you call the worst joke ever?
Well, according to my mom, I am.
My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.
Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
What's the best thing about a blowjob?
- The silence.
I was walking this hot girl home, then she noticed me, then the walk turned into a run.