Relationship jokes
What did Little Johnny say to his dad?
Johnny: "Dad, please not again! I'm too young!"
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
Why does Lincoln like Ronnie Anne?
She is the only one that calls me "lamo."
What’s the difference between a hooker and a cat?
I haven’t banged a hooker.
If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!
Roses are red, her name is Lily, she bends over, and said "HARDER, DADDY!"
I was digging in my garden when I found this chest of gold coins.
I wanted to run inside to tell my wife what I found, but that's when I remembered why I was digging.
Queen Elizabeth came back before your dad did.
What's between a wife and a husband?
A divorce.
Mr. and Mrs. Potato were walking down the street when a french fry caught the attention of Mr. Potato.
Mrs. Potato said: "I see you eye-balling that French girl!"
Prince will be coming back in 10 mins here is a joke.
Gwen: Prince sorry but I'm wanting someone else instead. You've just been a complete jackass toward me, sorry good night.
Prince: Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gwen: Good night!
Prince: Why?
Gwen: Because...now good night!
Prince: We can work some things out?
Gwen: Nope...NOW GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!
To be continued
Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.
"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."
What is the similarity between women and freezers?
We like to put our meat in them.
What did Cinderella say to Prince Charming?
"Want to see if it fits?"
You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.
Lesbian stands for:
L: Loving
E: Extra
S: Shitty
B: Bitches
I: I
A: Am attracted to
N: Nice girls.
Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.
What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common? They both can’t hear their parents.
Why can’t an orphan go to Family Dollar? They don’t have a family.
Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up, you gotta fight the suicide squad.
When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.
So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."