Relationship jokes
Who needs Singles Day when you're single for the rest of your life!
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.
"Hi, I’m Dan White’s dad. Where is he?"
You're more uglier.
What is the difference between a rock and my girlfriend?
One is rock hard, and the other is Dwayne Johnson.
What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Your hairline goes further back than your mum's divorce.
I'm really bored and I don't know what's up with Prince. He isn't talking to me.
And Freshfry, why are you so mean now?
What did the boyfriend say to his girlfriend?
Just ask your dad.
I remember asking my mum: "What's a couple?"
She replied, "Two or three."
Which probably explains her collapsed marriage.
A man walked into the kitchen and asked his blonde wife what she was doing. She said, "I'm trying to do this jigsaw puzzle. It's supposed to be a tiger, but all of the pieces are brown." Her husband then said, "Honey, those are frosted flakes."
Karien: Don't care. You know what you did.
Jalie: I don't know what you mean. I did nothing! I'm telling the truth!
Karien: Sure. So you mean you never texted Oerien last night around 2:00 AM?
Jalie: NO, I NEVER DID THAT!
Karien: Jalie, stop the story telling. You were the one who had my phone yesterday. Just stop.
Jeremy likes to kiss men. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
"You have to do this," and my sister said, "Well, I don't care."
And I said, "Well, you care enough to respond back, oh my gosh!"
Where did the cows go to a date?
To the moo-vies!
My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.
How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck? When you pull her pants, her ass.
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.