Relationship jokes

Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.

The jury: O.o

When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

I dated a furry once.

The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.

Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!

Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."

I had sex with my boss's daughter.

I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.

Why can’t orphans be gay?

They have no one to call "daddy".

Life is like a penis, women make it hard.

My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.

Why do people love dating orphans?

Because they're always home alone.

Guess why orphans can't be gay? Cause they have no one to call Daddy.

What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.

My girlfriend is like treasure to me.

You need a shovel to find her.

"I will Always Love You!"

My sister's boyfriend is pissed cuz I fucked his girl.

Rock, paper, lesbians.

Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.

Why are there more female history teachers than male?

Because women like to bring up the past.

What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.