My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
Relationship Jokes
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
Why can't an orphan get married? It doesn't have its parents' blessing.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
Why can't orphans have babies?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.
Are you my depression, because I’m falling for you?
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."
Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.
What is Alabama’s family tree? A circle.
What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter.
Night chat. #love you forever maybe until I die! 🌸
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.
Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?
Son: Yes, why?
Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
