Relationship jokes

My girlfriend is like treasure to me.

You need a shovel to find her.

"I will Always Love You!"

I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.

My sister's boyfriend is pissed cuz I fucked his girl.

Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.

My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.

Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.

Why can't an orphan get married? It doesn't have its parents' blessing.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.

Why can't orphans have babies?

Because they have no one to call daddy.

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.

What is Alabama’s family tree? A circle.

What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter.

Night chat. #love you forever maybe until I die! 🌸

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.

Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?

Son: Yes, why?

Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.

Why are most absent dads mechanics?

They like to nut and bolt.