Message

Message Jokes

Body

When I'm bored, I text a random number, "I hid the body... now what?"

Bomb

What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person

You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message

Friend

The other day my friend messaged me saying, "bro I have two pieces of bad news for you." I told him to combine them. He replied with, "your girlfriend is cheating on both of us."

Roblox girlfriend

One time, I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message. Thirty seconds later, I heard my uncle crying in the next room.

Memes

Pedophile

A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"

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  • Misunderstanding

    A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."

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  • Envelope

    What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.

    Doctor

    A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"

    The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."

    The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."

    Doctor

    A man receives a phone call from his doctor.

    The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."

    The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."

    The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."

    The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"

    The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

    Laptop

    I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.

    Girlfriend

    So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."

    Reminder

    Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today and treat others how you want to be treated!

    Rate your day on a scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment [on] what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.

    Girl

    One day, a little girl was texting her friend. "Guess what, Angelica!" said the little girl.

    "What?" Angelica replied.

    "I'm a guy."

    Campground

    I think the local nudist campground just went out of business.

    The sign on their gate says:

    "Clothed Until Further Notice."

    Hater

    Haters are hating. I'm still alluring, but I couldn't give a fuck cus this site is dying and boring.

    Rumor

    What is the fastest way to spread a rumor?

    Telephone? No.

    Television? No.

    How then? Tell a woman!

    Sandwich

    People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.

    Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!

    Emoji

    My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"

    I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"

    She said, "Why?"

    I said, "'Cause it's your twin."