Relationship jokes
My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.
What's the difference between me and a rope?
A rope will hang with you.
Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
Memes
Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”
I hate when my brother dates other people.
Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵
So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.
Why don’t you see gay orphans at a daycare?
They have no one to call "daddy."
When you meet your gf at the family reunion.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
I like telling dad jokes.
He laughs at most of them.
A man found a chest full of gold, so he went to go tell his wife, only to remember why he was digging.
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"
The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮💨
What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?
When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.
Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."