Relationship

Relationship jokes

Mom

Violets are blue, roses are red.

Last night your mom was giving me head.

Rope

What's the difference between me and a rope?

A rope will hang with you.

Girl

Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.

Father

My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.

Memes

Interest

What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?

When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.

Ball

Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."

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  • Sex addict

    A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.

    The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."

    The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."

    The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."

    Problem

    I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.

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  • Priest

    Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"

    The priest says, "Because I'm a father."

    Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."

    The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."

    Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."

    Incest

    Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"

    Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"

    Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."

    Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".

    He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"

    Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."

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  • Finger

    Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, and the middle one is for you.

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  • House

    What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.

    Mario

    What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach?

    It's not you, it's a-me, Mario!

    Mama

    Yo mama is so stupid, because when she gave birth to you, she asked for a receipt!

    Man

    A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.

    The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."

    The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"