Relationship jokes

Pick up lines.

"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"

"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."

A man found a chest full of gold, so he went to go tell his wife, only to remember why he was digging.

How to get a girl in three steps:

Step 1: grab a pillow.

Step 2: grab a blanket.

Step 3: keep dreaming.

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"

The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"

I hate when my brother dates other people.

Just kidding! 😵😵😵😵

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

I like telling dad jokes.

He laughs at most of them.

If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...

...is that a romantic jester?

I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮‍💨

What's the difference between me and a rope?

A rope will hang with you.

Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.

Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.

My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.

Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!

What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?

When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.

When you meet your gf at the family reunion.

Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."

A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.

The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."

The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."

The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."

Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction!

I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.