Relationship jokes

Once upon a time, three babies were born in 2015. She was always crying for 2015. He loves her birth date. 🤗😈🤗🤕🤒no🤗🤑😱😎🙌🙏🙈🙉🙊

What's the difference between a cheater and your mom?

They both cheated!

What do condoms and whores have in common?

Answer: There is a lot that comes in every box.

Why do lesbians have the highest rate of domestic violence?

Because women are emotional and full of drama.

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."

Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.

I got home one day and a Spanish guy, white guy, black guy told me that your sister knows her meats.

She won a trophy. We blindfolded her, then my sister said, "Yeah, I was blindfolded, and I gave all three of them blowjobs and I had to guess which flavor of the meat it was."

The Trophy said Best Blowjobs. As a brother, I couldn't be prouder.

What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?

Your mum.

What do you call lesbians having sex?

My cheating dyke ex-wife!

My sister Wani is a dwarf, so I sit on her as a chair.

Q: Why can't orphans be gay?

A: Because they don't have anyone they can call "Daddy."

What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?

Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.

It's this girl named Deaf, what a weird name, but I know that 'cause I was ear hustling.

But anyway, everytime I call her, she doesn't answer. I wanna clap some cheeks tonight, how could she hate me when she don't know me?

Why can’t an emo have sex?

They can’t make it to the bed, they kept swinging on the tree.

Okay, boys are known to measure their dicks, but do girls measure their depths?

Yo, little sister, pussy taste so GOOD on my TONGUE!

*walks into sex shop*

Hello. I would like to buy 1 sex, please.

My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."

Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"

Mom: Son, where are my condoms?

Son: What are condoms?

Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.

Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?

Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.

Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.

"Cummy wummy all over my mummy."