Relationship jokes
What's the difference between my dad and a hooker? Hookers come back.
Mom!
I asked my zombie boyfriend, "Does he have a brain?" Because he's stupid asf.
One day, Johnny told his dad that a girl in his class liked him. He thought she was cute. She said, "Aw, you're like candy!" He didn't say anything. He said, "Why don't you think I am sweet like candy?" Little Johnny said, "Well, sometimes I get a toothache, and it hurts, so I stop eating it, like I stopped liking you."
A penis has a bad life. His neighbor is an asshole, his friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
Have you ever heard of Jane Doe? Well, her husband's name is Dill, so I guess that makes him a dildo!
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"
Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?
Fiancé: I want to go somewhere I've never been before!
Me: Well welcome to the Kitchen!
SEX Some Event Xaern
Xaern - loving something so much you begin to dislike it.
You see, my son is very into astronomy.
Son: How do stars die?
Dad: Usually overdose, son.
I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.
What did the mom say to her house? "I love you"
What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.
You're not my dad.
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"
God replies, "So she would love you..."
Gay person to girl: What’s your favorite planet?
Girl: Penus-(penis)(venus), and what is yours?
Gay person: What else, it's Your Anus (Uranus)!😅
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
What did the toaster say to the bread?
"I want you inside me!"