Relationship jokes

What do guns and gum have in common?

When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

"Hey, tie your shoes! I don’t want you falling for anyone else."

A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"

I don’t have another talking stage in me. 🤦🏿‍♂️ Do you squirt, and is your BD dead? 😭

Little off topic but...

Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.

Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.

Mum: Fair point.

Hi Mom, how are you doing?

I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.

I called her the Fallen Angel.

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.

What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.

"Hey, today was great!"

"What happened?"

"I ran into my ex today."

"What's so great about that?"

"I was in my car!"

"We make sexy time, yes, and every night I tap that."

I like my coffee like I like my women.

I went out with this girl the other night. She wore this real slinky number. She especially looked great going down the stairs.

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.

One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."

Your mum lol teehee!

You’re like a fine wine. The more of you I drink in, the better I feel.

Don't take my posts seriously, take them like your ex took you—as a joke.

The first time I EVER HAD SEX I WAS ALL ALONE. You know why?

IT WAS DARK and I WAS ALL ALONE!