Relationship jokes

What's the difference between my sister and my phone? I don't give a damn if my phone dies.

What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.

At the restaurant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "'Cause she clearly has no taste." She responded.

Why do orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”!

Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?"

Friend: "Yeah, but you are too."

Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."

What's the difference between a Lambo and a boner?

Your sister didn't give me a Lambo.

"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"

"Dave who?"

Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.

I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.

Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Stop and apply lubrication.

What's the difference between my phone and my sister?

I actually give a damn if my phone dies.

What do you call a gay man that is not physically handicapped that performs blowjobs on gay men that are physically handicapped?

Caregiver.

My wife is like a mirror.

I can never look at it.

My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter

Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?

Her boyfriend was blind too.

What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?

Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.

Girl: "Come over."

Orphan: "I can't."

Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"

Orphan: "Just two things I don't have."

Like this if you are a single Pringle like me.

A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."