Relationship jokes

At the restaurant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "'Cause she clearly has no taste." She responded.

What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?

Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.

Girl: "Come over."

Orphan: "I can't."

Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"

Orphan: "Just two things I don't have."

Like this if you are a single Pringle like me.

A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."

Why do orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”!

Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."

what's the difference between a dog and a dad? The dog comes back.

Bf: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my bf and I luv you."

Gf: "I luv u too."

Bf: "But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, I heard you were cheating, I'll knock off your head."

Gf: "Ah, about that..."

I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.

Gf: "You are a drug."

Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"

Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."

What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."

I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any idea how much I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.

Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?

Her boyfriend was blind too.

My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter

Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.

Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.

To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

What does an imouto ride?

Onii-san.

Women treat me like a god.

They ignore me till they need something.

What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.