I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.
what's the difference between a dog and a dad? The dog comes back.
Gf: "You are a drug."
Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"
Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."
What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."
Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?
Her boyfriend was blind too.
My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
What does an imouto ride?
Onii-san.
What does a lesbian bring on the second date?
A U-Haul.
My mom said don't fuck whores.
So I kicked my step sis out the house.
I want to date depression cuz at least I know they won't leave me.
I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.
I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.
My wife said I have no sense of direction.
I said, "Where did that come from?"
My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.
Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.
I showed my girlfriend my taser. She was stunned.
Women treat me like a god.
They ignore me till they need something.
A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.
It’s called Trycoxagain.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?
He wiped.
What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.
