Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
Relationship Jokes
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
My girlfriend called me a "pedophile", and I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old."
Roses are red. Lemons are sour. Open your legs, so I can devour.
Rizz
Are you a basketball hoop? 'Cause I want to put my balls in you.
Are you a photo biographer? 'Cause I can picture us together.
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.
What's the difference between my sister and my phone? I don't give a damn if my phone dies.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a boner?
Your sister didn't give me a Lambo.
Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.
He just moved back in with his mom.
"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"
"Dave who?"
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?
She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
What do you call a gay man that is not physically handicapped that performs blowjobs on gay men that are physically handicapped?
Caregiver.
I hooked up with the groom at my uncle's wedding.
At the restaurant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "'Cause she clearly has no taste." She responded.
