Relationship jokes

I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.

I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any idea how much I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.

Gf: "You are a drug."

Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"

Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."

What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."

Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?

Her boyfriend was blind too.

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.

To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.

Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.

My wife is like a mirror.

I can never look at it.

What does an imouto ride?

Onii-san.

What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.

My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.

I want to date depression cuz at least I know they won't leave me.

My mom said don't fuck whores.

So I kicked my step sis out the house.

I showed my girlfriend my taser. She was stunned.

Women treat me like a god.

They ignore me till they need something.

There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.

Q: What is a lesbian's version of a cock block?

A: A beaver dam.

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?

He wiped.

My wife said I have no sense of direction.

I said, "Where did that come from?"