Relationship

Relationship jokes

Thought

What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.

Memes

Wheelchair

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.

Dad

My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.

Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.

Video Game

My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

Mickey Mouse

Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...

...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."

To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"

Prank

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

Rose

Roses are red,

Violets are blue, I’d rather be single than with someone like you.

Lover

What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?

Lesbionage.

Drunk man

A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"

Strip club

I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.