Relationship jokes

A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."

I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any idea how much I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.

Gf: "You are a drug."

Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"

Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."

What did the maxi pad say to the fart? "You are the wind beneath my wings."

Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?

Her boyfriend was blind too.

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.

To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

My wife is like a mirror.

I can never look at it.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.

Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.

What does an imouto ride?

Onii-san.

What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.

My mom said don't fuck whores.

So I kicked my step sis out the house.

Women treat me like a god.

They ignore me till they need something.

I want to date depression cuz at least I know they won't leave me.

My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.

I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".

If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".

If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".

I showed my girlfriend my taser. She was stunned.

My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.

Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.

Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.

Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?

Son: Yes, why?

Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.

My wife said I have no sense of direction.

I said, "Where did that come from?"

Roses are red,

Violets are blue, I’d rather be single than with someone like you.