Relationship jokes

Some marriages can make short people look like Shaquille O'Neal.

Have you ever tried sex when camping?

It's f***ing intense.

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

What is the difference between your dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.

Being an orphan always has an upside; for instance, a bag of chips is family-sized.

What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?

E.T. can actually call home.

My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.

A man and a child walk into a forest.

The kid says, "Um, sir, it's getting dark, and I'm getting kinda scared."

The man says, "Yeah, well, think how I feel. I have to walk back out alone."

Nana when Zane kisses her in her mind: [Insert Chiwawa Scream!]

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

Why can’t orphans get married in Alabama?

Because they don’t have a sister.

How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.

FEW!!!!!!!

Are you a rope? Cause I'm tryna put you around my neck 😏

Are you Shane Dawson?

Because I can be your pussy.

Why do orphans like fucking other dads?

Because they get to have a daddy.

What is the difference between chocolate and sex?

I would rather eat the chocolate first and then make love.

POV: Your mum is a bomber.

An emo kid and a silent kid would be a good acquaintance because the emo would wish to die, and the silent kid would be the nice guy and grant that wish.