Relationship jokes
Your dad must be a mailman.
What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.
What do you call a photo of an orphan who takes a selfie?
A family portrait.
How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?
You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.
You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.
He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.
You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
Gwen, are you dead????? If not, I am Alya. Thanks for always standing up for me!!!!!!!!!!!
Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)
Kiwi loves Brad.
I miss my wife, Tails.
A fireman, a policeman, and a carpenter went on a fishing trip. The fireman and the policeman both have the same father but different mothers, and they are half-brothers. But the fireman and the carpenter have the same mother and father, but they are not brothers. How is this possible?
Leave you answer in the comments. The answer will be revealed in 24 hours.
I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. I was sitting in the back of the movie theater, where no one was. Suddenly, she was sitting in front of me with some guy she was hugging. I was furious. I couldn't stay there anymore, so her friend and I had to finish it in the toilet.
My dad and I were playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found him. It’s been 15 years.
Just a pickup line.
"Ayo, bbg, are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in."
My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.
Everybody add @christianisni22 on Snap!
He's a hot babe and he's single.
Why are orphans' funerals so small?
They have no loved ones.
My family is like a cactus. They're a bunch of pricks.
Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.
Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?