Relationship jokes

Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.

What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?

They are all insane comebacks!!!

My sister's pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad!

I was talking to my friend, and he said, "I lost my virginity to a girl, and then she stopped coming to school." And I said, "Probably because she was fired."

Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."

"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."

A proud new dad sits down with his own father.

His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.

The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her pussy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!

Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."

Off the nearby cliff.

The ones you hate most are also the ones who are by your side most.

Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"

What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.

Are you a bowling ball? Because I want to stick 3 fingers in you.

My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.

My wife thinks I'm immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.

Q: How do you know a wishing well works?

A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.

I like my women how I like my wine.

Aged 9 years and lives in the basement.

I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.

He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!

My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.