Relationship jokes
What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?
I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
Todoroki POV: Deku = femboy.
Deku POV: Todoroki = big 8=====D.
Why did the orphan turn gay?
A: Because he wanted someone to call him "daddy."
"Alex! We need to talk! Now!"
Why'd the rubber go flying across the room?
Because it got pissed off!
When your mum sold you on eBay for £2 pound for girls stripper.
Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?
Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
This is not a joke. Stop online dating.
What did the kid say to the orphan?
"Well, at least I have parents!"
Me: *watching TV*
Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!
Me: Really?
Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.
Why did he kill himself?
Because he is adopted to a fat man who farts.
My girlfriend is so fat that when she runs or walks, she falls, so I am breaking up with you.
🙍🏼♀️Fat girlfriend: Nooo, don’t leave me, catch me, ahhh!
🙇🏼♀️Fat girlfriend falls on boyfriend: Ahhhhhh *dump*
🙇🏼♀️🙇🏼Fat girlfriend and boyfriend: Fat girlfriend: U didn’t catch me wawawawa. Boyfriend: Get off me, 900 pounds, ugh, I hate u!
Story done. Please like.
I'm going to do a song that's called "Falling" by Trevor Daniel... so here it goes.
My last made me feel like I would never try again But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt Come closer, I'll give you all my love If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything My last made me feel like I would never try again But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt Come closer, I'll give you all my love If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything Talk to me, I need to hear you need me like I need ya Fall for me, I wanna know you feel how I feel for you, love Before you, baby, I was numb, drowned out pain by pouring up Speeding fast on the run, never want to get caught up Now you the one that I'm calling Swore that I'd never fall again, don't think I'm just talking I think I might go all in, no exceptions, girl, I need ya Think I'm out of my mind, 'cause I can't get enough Only one that I give my time, 'cause I got eyes for ya Might make an exception for ya, 'cause I been feeling ya Think I might be out of my mind, I think that you're the one My last made me feel like I would never try again But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt Come closer, I'll give you all my love If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything My last made me feel like I would never try again But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt Come closer, I'll give you all my love If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything I'll never give my all again 'Cause I'm sick of falling down When I open up and give my trust They find a way to break it down Tear me up inside, and you break me down.
What's the difference between sex and gender?
You can't have gender with your sister.
An orphan goes to a family restaurant with her doll.
"I'm sorry but you can't be here," said the man. "This is a family restaurant." The orphan said, "This is my family," then pointed to her doll.
What’s the difference between a mountain and your girl?
At least the mountain has two hills.
What did Love name his daughter?
Sweetheart. ♥
My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.